Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Communing With Nature...Nature Says 'Hi'

Here's what I wrote in my notebook today at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens:

Honestly, I don't think I've gotten any color. I've been out in the sun all day! OK, that's a slight exaggeration, it hasn't been all day, it's been three hours. But still, I've been wandering around in bright sunshine for three hours, one would think I would at least be flesh-colored by now.

Hmmm...I just took a look at my arm and thought, "Maybe I'm wrong, maybe there is some color there..." Then I took off my sunglasses and nearly blinded myself.

That's just sad.
I'm happy to report, now that I'm back home, that I was wrong. I did get some color. Some really good color, actually. And every time I go into my bathroom I seem to look darker. Time released sun-tan perhaps?

Just as long as I'm not pasty white anymore, that's all I care about. I was starting to look sickly. And lest any of you start jumping all over me and shouting "SKIN CANCER!" rest assured, I did put an eensy amount of sunblock on my shoulders and chest, and I wasn't really in the sun the whole time because there are a lot of trees in the botanical gardens. Big, leafy trees which offer cool, delicious shade.

What's that you say? Stop talking about botanical gardens and explain why you haven't finished your short story?

Listen, I'm really close. Seriously. I'm this close to finishing. And if you could see my fingers right now, you would see that I'm holding them really close together. The problem is that this f*****g story just keeps getting longer! Every time I think I'm ready to write the end I think, "Oh wait! I need to add this scene, and this conversation really needs to be beefed up, and don't you think Tom should talk to her before she goes off to have that big revelation? She can't even have the revelation unless she's already in that emotional place, and she can't get there until she has at least 2 pages of dialogue with Tom! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

I'm not sure it's a short story anymore, I think it might actually qualify as a novella. Seriously, as of right now it's 29 pages. And those are big 8 1/2 x 11 pages, think about if it were really in book form where the pages are only 4 x 7; you just can't fit that many words on there. (It's over 14,000 words, by the way.)

Anyway, I've written the climax, so as long as nothing else pokes it's head up and says "Wait! You forgot about me!" I just have a little denouement to write. Then I have to edit the thing. I've already decided that even though by editing I probably won't write 600 words, I'm still going to count it as my writing for the day. I just can't take the time to edit this story AND write something else on top of that. I have a feeling the editing may take a while.

So why am I writing this instead of working on that? Because I’m procrastinating, a skill I’ve used so often I’ve gotten very good at it.

My sister once said that the worst type of procrastination is when you do something productive like clean your house, or write a blog post in place of the actual productive thing you’re supposed to be doing (like your laundry or finishing your short story). She’s absolutely right. Because the thing is, you can still justify that in your mind, so the guilt factor goes way down. So here I am, not finishing my story.

And now I distract you with pretty pictures!!!

Japanese Hill-and-Pond Garden


Looks like some weird space creature, doesn't it?





That's kale. No seriously, I took a picture of the sign just to prove it.


Who knew kale was so pretty?






Pretty bird. He was just sitting on the path like that, and for one heart-breaking moment I thought he might be injured. So, naturally, I took a picture. That's just the kind of animal-lover I am. He was fine, by the way. As soon as I moved toward him he hopped up and flew away.






I made this my desktop background. The green is just so green, you know?

I took a lot more photos, but I won't make you look at all of them.

Besides, I'm tired, it's time to try sleeping.

Goodnight.

PS-You can click on the photos to see them bigger.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Subway Surfing

Rules For Subway Surfing;

Or, How To Stay Healthy In New York By Not Touching the Germ Infested Poles

  1. Don’t Be Afraid To Move Your Feet. Keep it loose and easy, don’t plant your feet too firmly or you will lose your balance.
  2. Wear The Right Shoes. They should be comfortable, without too high a heel, and a good grip on the bottom.

  3. If You Fall, Pick Yourself Up And Act Like You Meant To Do That. See Felis Catus for examples.

  4. Don’t Be Afraid To Cheat. Lean against the door if you have to, I know it says, “Do Not Lean” but that’s just for the tourists and the perpetually uncool. You’re not one of them, are you? I didn’t think so.

  5. Stay Alive. Just think of those poles as plague-infested rats, and if worse comes to worst: Purell it.