Noodles part 4

I've come to the realization that I don't really care what you people want. Yes, that's right, I said "you people". I know you want to hear about me, but I promise that it's not exciting. This week was kind of a black out on auditions, but there's at least one that I'm definitely going to next week, and I promise to tell you all about it. Other than that, I get up, go to work, sing a little, write a little, do my laundry... See: boring. Not even I, Master of the Witty Vignette, can make that stuff interesting. So, I write about superheros. They're always interesting. And this week, we get some villains to play too!

Some points:
1. The Legion of Doom was a group of super-villains much like the Justice League, except, well, evil. In the show, Gorilla Grodd was the leader until Luthor led a rebellion and took over. At the end of the show, they did something kinda stupid and had to actually team up with the Justice League to keep the world from ending. It was a great episode in which Luthor is actually the one who ends up saving everyone. Awesome. Anyway, during the time the show was on the air, there was some sort of licensing thing that meant that the writers couldn't use any of the villains from the Batman universe. It was really too bad because Batman's Rogues Gallery is considered one of the finest in all of comic book history. Many believe that it is Batman's villains that has made him such a long-lasting and popular character. After all, your hero is only as interesting as the villain he/she is fighting. Needless to say, the fans were none to pleased with this "Bat-embargo" (although, the Joker did appear in 2 or 3 episodes) and I attempt to explain the reason for it in this chunk of story.

2. Poison Ivy has a sort of pheromone-thing that allows her to control men with just one kiss. Most notably, she took control of Superman in a comic called Hush. Batman pulled out his Kryptonite ring (which Superman gave him as a kind of insurance, in case he ever went crazy) and laid the smackdown on Supes. Well, sort of. He was really only keeping him busy long enough for Catwoman to kidnap Lois Lane and drop her off a building, effectively breaking Superman out of Ivy's control in order to save his wife. Aww, what a guy, fighting off mind control to save his love...

Okay, onward we go.

Gossip in the Watchtower: part 4
By: Jules Parker

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Don't have any money, so don't bother suing me. Bruce Wayne has money, why don't you sue him? Oh, and the video that was made by "the Flash" was actually made by LunarChaosTXB, and it can be found on youtube (or you can just watch it here).

To: SexyLexy
From: anonymous
Re: a proposition

Well, well, well. Trust Lex Luthor to get himself a big screen TV installed in his maximum security cell. Lucky for you, that means we have a way to chat. You’re probably wondering how this message got on your screen, and who’s sending it. Don’t worry, Lex, all will be revealed soon. For now, let’s just say that I stumbled on a new toy, and I’m going to use it to bring down the Justice League.

Have I got your attention?

Good.

Now, I know you’re smart, Lex, but I’m not sure how smart. So, a little test. If you can figure out how to send me a message back, let me know if you’re interested in hearing the rest of the plan.

I’ll be waiting for your reply, Lex…

To: anonymous
From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: your proposition

Smart? I’m beyond smart, you arrogant little virus! I cracked the system in two minutes (and that‘s including the time it took to re-wire my TV and turn it into a make-shift computer). Now, I demand to know who you are, and what you want.

Lex Luthor

PS-Where exactly did you say you found this system? It’s…rather impressive.

To: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
From: anonymous
Re: the plan

I’M arrogant? You’ve dubbed yourself “master of the universe”. Can we say, “complex”?!

As to your question, I didn’t say, but I will now: I found this system entirely by accident. I was on my computer chatting with some “old friends,” when this message popped up on my screen.

To: Whipped Cream
From: FasterThanASpeedingSuperman
Re: Sorry…

Sorry, GA, but I can’t change it back for you. Black Canary threatened me, and I’m more frightened of her than I am of you. No offense. I suggest groveling.

Later.

PS- Yeah, you heard right: Superman has thrown the proverbial gauntlet. Now all we have to do is find a way to have the race without Bats finding out about it. I just know that he wouldn’t approve. He’d probably say it was ‘un-heroic’ of us or something. What a killjoy! I mean, just cause we’re the Justice League, doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun!

At first, I thought it was a joke, but then I started digging. I uncovered an entire network of communications, unlike anything I had ever seen before. And it was well protected, too. If I had to guess, I would say that the only way I was even able to get in was because there had been some recent disturbances in the system. Someone had changed some important codes for unknown reasons, and they hadn’t done a very good job of cleaning up after themselves. The more I uncovered, the more there was to find. Hundreds of thousands of messages were being sent by members of the Justice League, ranging from important communiqués to silly gossip. Then, suddenly, there was silence. I thought I’d been shut out, but then I realized that there were still messages, just not as many. It only lasted a week before the volume was, once again, overwhelming.

Suffice it to say, I realized that an opportunity had been placed in front of me. Naturally, I started gathering others in our line of work (yourself included) to help me in a scheme. Take a look at this:

That is why we would like the entire Justice League (including all freelance and part-time Leaguers) to gather, one week from today. We will set the Watchtower to automatic alert so we can keep an eye on things. Also, the meeting will be held in Training Room 7, so we’ll all be on hand if anything happens.

It appears that the entire League will be conveniently gathered in one place for an extended period of time…now THAT’S what I call “opportunity”.

So, are you in?

To: anonymous
From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: others?

It shouldn’t come as any surprise to you to know that I’m not keen on the idea of forming another “Legion of Doom”. One super-villain club is enough for a lifetime… That being said, I can’t deny that this will require more help than just you and I (especially since I STILL don’t know who you are, or, more importantly, how powerful you are). So, I have one condition: no rogues from the Bat-family.

From: anonymous
To: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: Gotham’s super villains

Erm…what’s wrong with Batman’s foes?

From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
To: anonymous
Re: Batman’s Rogues Gallery

Have you met them? They’re all insane!

From: anonymous
To: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: And?

With that attitude, we’re not going to recruit ANYBODY. Even your sanity isn’t exactly what I’d call “stable”.

From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
To: anonymous
Re: very funny

I’m serious. Every villain that has ever come out of Gotham City is absolutely wacko. Take the Joker, for instance. Have you ever met that clown? I have. I’ve even worked with him before. And I DON’T recommend it. He is seriously deranged. And the rest of them aren’t much better. Two-Face, Penguin, Killer Croc, that guy with the dummy… There’s a reason why the criminals of Gotham are sent to Arkham Asylum instead of a proper prison. And there’s a reason why NONE of them were invited to join the Legion.

So, as long as you put out a little “bat embargo” I’ll be part of the team.

PS- And if you really do want me to help, you might think about how you’re going to get me out of prison.

To: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
From: anonymous
Re: escape

Don’t worry about the prison break, I have it all under control. As to the other issue…

Is Poison Ivy all right? She did take control of Superman for a while (until Batman showed up and ruined everything; what a killjoy…) and I kinda already asked her. (And just look at her.)

To: anonymous
From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: Ivy

Yeah, she’s okay. Just don’t bring that *^&%#$ clown.

Now, I’m going to wait patiently for you to come break me out. And in the meantime, I think I’ll send a message to an old friend…

To: Superman
From: A_Concerned_Friend
Re: A delicate issue

I’m sending this anonymously because I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Big Guy, but I have to tell you…all that red and blue makes you look fat. Really not your colors. I suggest something in green. In fact, I have just the thing.

To: Flash
From: Superman
Re: Ha ha.

Very funny, Wally. Are you saying I’ll be green with envy when you win the race? Let’s get one thing straight: you are not going to win. I am. Get used to it.

Oh, and you might want to be careful about changing your user name; you know that Bruce will have a fit if he finds out.

To: Superman
From: Flash
Re: huh?

Dude, wtf are you talking about? “Green with envy”? What does

Whoa. That was close. I’m in the commissary sending this message, and Bats just walked in. He almost caught me using the message system for something other than “official business”. Actually, for a second there, I thought he had caught me. It was pretty funny watching everyone in the commissary scramble to put their communicators away when they saw him coming, I was sure he knew that something was going on. He walked in, scowled at everyone and walked out. What’s that about? Hmm, actually, I guess that’s pretty normal for Bats… And when are we going to think up a better name for this thing, anyway? “The message system” isn’t very cool. How about… e-mail? No, wait, that’s already taken. JL-mail? Doesn’t really have the right ring to it… Hey, it moves almost as fast as I do, how about Flash-mail! Heh, I like it!

Well, I gotta go, gotta start spreading this new name.

Later.

PS- Check out this video I made of Bats, it fits him perfectly!

I'm sending it to everyone in the League. It's time I got a little revenge for that whole "Grievance Services" crap.

To Be Continued...

Next time: Batman thinks everyone is acting strange around him. Are they possessed? Or are they just trying to keep a certain video from reaching his ears? Too late, someone sent him a copy by accident...

Rant

Ooooooo, that really yellows my snow!

I have just finished reading the Green Arrow/Black Canary: Wedding Special. It was all going so well. Sure, the wedding was crashed by about a hundred different super-villains, but what's a wedding without a little butt-kicking? The villains were defeated and carted off to various prisons, and the rest of the wedding went off without a hitch. And then, the wedding night. They're all lovey-dovey, and I was lulled into believing that for some people, there really is such a thing as 'happily ever after'.

I was wrong.

WHY???!!!! Why can't they just let these two be together?? Why did they have to make Green Arrow go insane at the last second and try to kill Black Canary?? Of course, she stops him by sticking an arrow through his neck, and he dies lying half on top of her, the knife still in his hand. And she's crying, and he's bleeding all over the place, and I scream "Oh come ON! Can't you just let them be HAPPY??!!" I mean, really. Why do I READ this stuff?!

And then what does it say? "Better check out the new Green Arrow/Black Canary series starting next month!!!"

Great.

Now I have another thing to read.

Infuriating.

I've been so mad, I haven't even been able to continue writing my story.

OK, that's not true...I just haven't started the next part, yet. But I promise to get to it soon. In fact, I think I'll go soak in the bath! That's a great place for me to mull over ideas; the only drawback being the fact that I have no place to write it down if something truly inspired happens to hit the back of my skull with a resounding "thunk".

Yeah. A bath. That sounds nice and calming.

Maybe I'll update again tonight, if the bath helps inspire me. Or maybe not. You'll just have to wait and see.

Jules


stupid comic books with their stupid characters that you stupidly care about and hope they live long stupid but happy lives together grumble grumble stupid grumble

Noodles part 3

Today was my first day off in two weeks. WOOHOO!!! And I spent most of it writing. Lucky for you. Or, I should say: Lucky for Mom and Jenna, since they seem to be the only 2 people who actually read this blog. Nobody loves me...

And after that nice guilt trip, I present to you: Part 3!

(I've decided to put character info at the end of the story, so you can choose to read it or not.)

Gossip in the Watchtower: part 3
By: Jules Parker

Disclaimer: yada yada yada no money yada yada yada.

One week later…

To: Justice League Members
From: Batman
Re: The Meeting

Superman and I have talked things over, and we decided to hold this meeting sooner rather than later. For the first time in years, there is a greater percentage of super-villains behind bars rather than rampaging on the streets. This does not mean we should sit back and relax. Instead, we should use this time to regroup and discuss long-term objectives and strategies. That is why we would like the entire Justice League (including all freelance and part-time Leaguers) to gather, one week from today. We will set the Watchtower to automatic alert so we can keep an eye on things. Also, the meeting will be held in Training Room 7, so we’ll all be on hand if anything happens. I encourage everyone to bring ideas for long-term strategy, as well as any suggestions for improvement of the League. DO NOT bring any grievances against other League members. If you have a problem which cannot be resolved amongst yourselves, talk to Flash. He is now head of Grievance Resolution Services and would be happy to listen to your complaints.

Looking forward to speaking with all of you at the meeting,
Batman


To: WonderWoman
From: Vixen
Re: The Party

So…what are you wearing?


To: Vixen
From: WonderWoman
Re: Re: The Party

Um…right now?


To: WonderWoman
From: Vixen
Re: Re: Re: The Party

No, stupid. To the party.

PS- I know you lived a sheltered life on that all-girl-island of yours, but you’ve been out in the real world for a while now, so stop playing the “innocent princess” act.


To: Vixen
From: WonderWoman
Re: My attire

Black formal, full-length, halter top.


To: WonderWoman
From: Vixen
Re: What you should wear

No no no. Red strapless, empire waist. You know, the one that shows off your hourglass, with the slit up the side that’s practically indecent.

You should wear that one.


To: Vixen
From: WonderWoman
Re: Red dress

I don’t have shoes that go with that one.


To: WonderWoman
From: Vixen
Re: shoes

Girl, I will find you shoes if I have to utilize every contact in the fashion industry I have.


To: Superman
From: Question
Re: the party

Just out of curiosity, is this shindig for League members only? I mean, is Lois coming?

Someone has to ask the question.


To: Question
From: Superman
Re: Re: the party

Many League members will be attending the party out of costume. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable, so no outsiders will be permitted. And no, Lois isn’t coming. Some of us have only just begun to feel comfortable enough to reveal our secret identities, even to each other, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.

That being said…who did you want to bring?


To: Superman
From: Question
Re: Re: Re: the party

Huntress. I know she’s not technically still a part of the League, but I was hoping she would be permitted to attend anyway.

Someone has to ask the question.


To: Question
From: Superman
Re: Huntress

That’s fine. She can come. I’ve been meaning to bring up the subject of her rejoining the League for a while now, anyway. Besides, Nightwing and Batgirl are coming, and neither of them are members. Heck, even Batman still claims to be a “part-timer” and he’s definitely going to be there.

Speaking of which, why is it that none of the “Bat family” are technically part of the League?


To: Superman
From: Question
Re: The Bat Family

To answer your question: because they all have serious issues.

Someone also has to answer the question.


To: Batman
From: Flash
Re: Grievance Resolution Services.

You are so dead for that.


To: Flash
From: Vigilante
Re: Complaint against Shining Knight

Yeah, I’d like to file an official complaint. Shining Knight said that Clint Eastwood was not a good example of a hero. COME ON!! Who could possibly be more heroic than CLINT EASTWOOD????!!!!!

PS- Are you and Big Blue still gonna race?


To: Vigilante
From: Flash
Re: Your complaint.

Do you have any idea how many people want to file complaints against other League members? Even the Fastest Man Alive can’t keep up! Can’t you and Shining Knight just work this out on your own? You too are supposed to be friends!

PS- Yeah, the race is on. But we’ve got to keep it quiet, so don’t spread it around, yet. We’ll be sending out mass invites when we’ve set a date.


To: Robin
From: Supergirl
Re: The party

OK, I talked to Vixen, and she’s in on the plan. Everything hinges on this party, though, so we better make sure nothing gets screwed up. Are you sure that Luthor is safely locked away in jail? Cause I don’t want him breaking out and wreaking havoc right before the big night. It would be just like him to ruin everything. And the Joker, what about him? I think he can sense it whenever Bats gets even the slightest bit less grouchy…

PS- Who are you taking to the party?


To: Supergirl
From: Robin
Re: Re: The party

I’ve checked about a hundred times. Luthor is still tucked away in his maximum security cell, and the Joker is locked up at Arkham. I even looked in on Harley Quinn. Everything is going to be fine. Alfred, Nightwing, and Batgirl are in on it too. Don’t worry so much.

PS- That is none of your business.

PPS- Why, do you know someone I should ask?


To: Robin
From: Supergirl
Re: boys…

You are such an idiot.

To: Robin
From: Stargirl
Re: the party

Hey Robin!
What do you think about this whole party-thing? Pretty cool, huh? Should be fun. I know I could really use the downtime. It seems like we never get to see each other…

I was thinking about what you said the other day when we were hanging out with Supergirl. About how we, as teenage heroes, have had to sacrifice our childhoods. And how we’ve had to grow up too fast in some ways, but in other ways, we’re still just kids. Anyway, I…uh, was just thinking about that. Yeah…

So, I guess I’ll see you at the party?

Looking forward to seeing you,
Courtney

Now do you know who you should ask? Dumbass.


To: Supergirl
From: Robin
Re: my messages

HOW DID YOU GET THAT?? THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE!

PS- Are you saying I should ask Star…I mean, Courtney?


To: Robin
From: Supergirl
Re: Duh.

Flash hacked into the system. How else do you think he changed his user name? Of course, he’s had to change it back now, because of the Big Bad Bat. But don’t tell anyone that Flash figured out how to intercept other people’s messages. Batman would NOT be happy.

PS- She’s been flirting with you for months, stupid. Cut her some slack and ask her out already.

To: Supergirl
From: Robin
Re: an idea

Flash can hack into the system? Hmmm…that gives me an idea.


To: Flash
From: Robin
Re: A cunning plan.

Hey Flash,
Wanna help Kara and me get Bruce to lighten up?


To: Robin
From: Flash
Re: Re: A cunning plan.

Will it make him stop ruining all my fun?


To: Flash
From: Robin
Re: Re: Re: A cunning plan.

If everything goes according to plan. And for that, we need you. Are you in?


To: Robin
From: Flash
Re: the plan.

I’m listening…


To Be Continued...

What is this "cunning plan"? How can Flash help? Will Flash get back at Batman for putting him in charge of the Grievance Resolution Service? Find out next time!

Character Info:
-Huntress, AKA Helena Bertinelli:

Originally, this character was Helena Wayne, the daughter of Batman and Catwoman, who becomes a crime fighter to avenge her mother's death. However, later versions of the character changed that, and she became the daughter of a mob boss who was murdered in front of her by a rival mob boss. After which, she swore revenge and became Huntress. She uses weapons (primarily a crossbow) but has no superpowers. In JLU the show, she was part of the League until she attempted to kill the man who had killed her father. She was thrown out of the League, but remained "friendly" with the Question, and helped the League by helping him.

-The Question, AKA Vic Sage:

A conspiracy theorist, much along the same lines as Mulder in X-Files, the Question battles corrupt governments as a faceless detective. A scientist friend of his developed a synthetic skin-like substance which the Question uses to hide his identity. He also has a special chemical that adheres the substance to his face, changes his hair color, and the color of his clothes all in one. Wikipedia has this to say: The Question of the DC Animated Universe is a completely obsessive, darkly comic loner — skeptical, eccentric, paranoid, antagonistic and unpredictable. He is often given to believing in various odd conspiracy theories and is suspicious of even his fellow League members, yet (or perhaps due to that) he is one of the Justice League's best detectives. At one point, he mentions that Supergirl eats peanut butter sandwiches before going to bed, to which she asks him if he goes through her trash: he responds, "Please... I go through everyone's trash." In one episode, he is seen investigating a warehouse where he finds that Baskin Robins is concealing their 32nd flavor. He believes that the true purpose of aglets (those plastic things on the ends of shoelaces) is "sinister". I would love to see a spin-off show about him and Huntress. They make a cute couple.

-Vixen, AKA Mari Jiwe McCabe:

One of the first black female characters to have a solo comic, Vixen can mimic the attributes of any animal she can think of. She can run as fast as a cheetah, swim as well as a dolphin, etc. She and John Stewart (Green Lantern) have been dating since John and Shayera (Hawkgirl) broke up. She acknowledges that Shayera still has feelings for John (and that he may still have feelings for Shayera) but is confident in her relationship with him. When she's not having cat fights with Hawkgirl, she's on the cat walk, earning money in her career as a model. Ha ha, get it?

-Vigilante, AKA Unknown:

He is never shown out of costume in the show, and in looking him up on wikipedia, I found that he has had several different incarnations over the years. Basically, he's a cowboy who rides a motorcycle, uses a pair of revolvers and a lasso, and wears a red handkerchief which covers his nose and mouth, protecting his identity. In several episodes, he is shown with the Shining Knight (who I'll get to in a minute) either fighting bad guys together or just hanging out. He has a Texas accent.

-Shining Knight, AKA Sir Justin:

A real knight from the round table at Camelot, Sir Justin has a magic sword which was given to him by Merlin and a winged horse named Victory. He was frozen in a block of ice until recently, and is trying to live in modern times even when they confuse and bamboozle him. He has a strong sense of nobility and loyalty, something which often gets him into arguments with Vigilante, who is a little more lax.

And I'm sure that all of that was way too much information. In fact, this post has become far too long, and I should really be in bed now. Enjoy!

Jules

Noodles part 2

I'm not sure how many parts this story will end up being, but so far, this is all of it. It definitely isn't finished; there are plans formulating in my brain, I just haven't typed them out yet.

A few clarifications for those of you not familiar with some of these characters:

1. In the comics, Dick Grayson was the original Robin. When he grew up, he decided to stop being the "Boy Wonder" to become Nightwing. The next to take up the Robin mantel was Jason Todd. He was beaten and left to die by the Joker. He came back to life later (as comic book characters are inclined to do) but as far as my story goes, he remains in his grave where he belongs. The third and current Robin is Tim Drake, a teenager with good detective skills.

2. Supergirl, AKA Kara Zor-El, is the cousin of Superman, AKA Kal-El, AKA Clark Kent. She has had other incarnations in the past, but, again, for the purposes of my story, she's his cousin. Stargirl is someone I'm not all that familiar with, to be honest. I only know her from the Justice League show in which she is a girl around Supergirl's age with a staff that gives her various powers, including the ability to fly. She and her step-father (an ordinary man with a robotic suit) fight together as Stars and S.T.R.I.P.E.

3. Green Arrow, AKA Oliver Queen, is a Robin Hood-esque character. Like Bruce Wayne he is independently wealthy, and has no superpowers. He uses technologically advanced arrows. Go figure. He and Black Canary (a woman with deadly skills in hand-to-hand combat and an even deadlier piercing shriek) have been dating FOREVER. They are finally getting married in a comic coming out next Wednesday, and they are, quite possibly, the cutest fictional couple I've ever seen. (See above.)

4. J'onn Jonze, AKA Martian Manhunter, is (as you may have guessed) a Martian. Literally. He's from Mars. He's very strong, psychic, and a shape changer. Basically, you don't want to piss him off.

And now, on to part 2!

Gossip in the Watchtower: part 2
By: Jules Parker

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm making no money off of this. If I was, I would quit my job at the store, cause this is way more fun.

To: Supergirl
From: Stargirl
Re: Race

OMG! I just heard that Flash and your cousin are going to race! Did you hear? Do you know when it is? Will you ask Superman? That’s something I HAVE to see!

Btw, what were you and Robin talking about the other day? You two looked pretty chummy…


To: Supergirl
From: RobinIII
Re: that thing we talked about…

Well, if they are, I can’t find any evidence of it. Not that I can come right out and ask him…
I’ll keep working on it from my end, but we need to find out more information. Can you talk to your cousin? He might know more.

And did you hear about this race thing? I can guess who you’ll root for, but my money’s on Flash. He did it once already…


To: RobinIII
From: SuperWOMAN
Re: that thing we talked about…

Why does EVERYONE want me to talk to my cousin??? Just cause he’s Superman doesn’t mean he has a clue about half the things that are going on in front of his eyes. He doesn’t know anything about…that thing. But I might know someone who does. I’ll get back to you.

Like my new user ID? Flash showed me how to change it, as I’m assuming he showed you how to change yours. Why do you feel the need to distinguish yourself as Robin the Third? Dick gave it up years ago, and Jason’s not really in a position to care.

As for the much-talked-about race, I’ll take that bet! Flash is fast, but my cousin has speed and brains. And no, I don’t know when it is, or if it’s anything more than a rumor. Kal doesn’t tell me anything!!!

PS - Why do we have to talk in code like this? These messages are supposed to be completely secure.


To: SuperWOMAN
From: RobinIII
Re: my new user ID

This is why I changed my ID:

To: Robin
From: TheOriginalRobin
Re: Copyright infringement

Look, kid, I know that you’re the new ‘Robin’ these days, but let’s not forget who owned the name first. ME! Just because I gave up being Robin to become Nightwing, doesn’t mean you can go around using my name; especially when you start getting the royalty checks from the Robin action figure line!

Can you believe his nerve? Mr. “Robin the First”! What does he need royalty checks for anyway? Bruce pays all his bills! What a @#&$ face.

PS - What does having brains have to do with anything? They’re going to run really fast; it’s not exactly rocket science.

PPS - We have to talk in code because if I know Batman (and I do) he’ll have a way to monitor every message that goes through the system. I’m hoping the sheer amount of messages will bury our communications, but just in case…

To: Black Canary
From: Whipped Green
Re: Very funny

That’s real cute, hon. Now please show me how to change my user name back.

To: Black Canary
From: Whipped Green
Re: Seriously

Yeah, I got it. I’m whipped. I worship the ground you walk on. PLEASE CHANGE IT BACK!

To: Black Canary
From: Green Arrow
Re: Thank you

And if it makes you feel better, you can call me “Whipped Green” when we’re in private.

PS - And please remember that ‘in private’ is not when Batman and Superman are sitting at the other end of the commissary. Superman does have super-hearing, and I’m pretty sure Batman can read lips.

To: Justice League Members
From: Batman
Re: Important Notice

Listen up everyone,

This new message system has gotten out of hand. It was created to replace our communicators which have been subject to certain security breaches lately. It was not made to send gossip, love letters, or anonymous tips on anal stick removal (btw, Wally, I know that was you, even though you used J’onn’s ID. He is not amused, and neither am I).

Those of you who have changed your user ID’s (Wally) will make an appointment with either J’onn or myself to restore them. These ID’s were carefully encoded so that when a message is sent to a specific ID, only the person who’s retinal scan matches that ID will be able to read it. It is, literally, your eyes only. When you change your user name, you upset this complex coding, (coding which took MONTHS of work) and open the program to possible hackers.

Finally, there are a lot of rumors going around about a possible party. Let me be clear: IT IS NOT A PARTY. And anyway, Superman and I haven’t moved beyond the initial planning stages for this meeting, so please stop asking when it is. Along those same lines, there has also been a rumor about a certain race between two senior members of the Justice League. While I cannot comment on what League members do during their off hours, I would like to point out that we are heroes, and should be setting an example to the people we have sworn to protect; NOT picking schoolyard fights over who can run ten laps around the playground first.

Thank you.


To Be Continued...

Will Batman's scolding halt the use of the message system for petty gossip? For at least a week it will. But all it takes is one little message...

Noodles

OK, I did warn you...the following is a fanfic I started writing. It is similar to "Naked Quidditch" in form, but not really in plot line. It is also not finished. I'm debating whether to post all of what I have, or put it up in segments. No doubt I'll continue to debate this right up until I publish this post. Anyway, here it is.

PS - If you haven't read "Naked Quidditch" I suggest that you do. It is an ingeniously hilarious story. You can read it here: http://diagonally.org/Fiction/op=show/kid=136.html


Gossip in the Watchtower
By: Jules Parker

Disclaimer: I do not own the Justice League. However, I'm going to take them out to play in this little story (from which I will earn NO money), but promise to put them back where I found them in good condition. Except for Batman. Him, I'm not giving back. Sorry.


To: Superman
From: Batman
Re: New message system

Clark,
J’onn and I finally have the new system up and running. We will issue user names to every JLU member, and J’onn promised to give a few tutorials on how it works. Basically, it’s just like e-mail, but it is completely secured against hackers, and Leaguers will be able to access it from nearly anywhere in the world and some parts of the universe, as well. We will be able to send instant alerts to any member, anonymously. Obviously, this has advantages over the comm system. We’ll have a better idea of how well it works in a few weeks. I’ll keep you posted.

PS - Have you talked to Diana recently? She’s been acting strange…


To: Batman
From: Superman
Re: New message system

Bruce, this system is incredible! Not even the Daily Planet has this level of communications technology! That message you sent me appeared on my computer at work, but no one else was able to read it! How did you make it so that only my eyes can decipher the text? I got Lois to try and make it out for ages, and she kept saying she couldn’t see it!

As for Diana, I haven’t had a lot of time to talk with her, lately. It seems like the only time I see ANYONE from the League is when we’re saving the world from peril. I think we need to schedule some downtime for everyone. It’s been a difficult year, we could all use some R&R. Maybe some kind of get together for the whole League? Let me know what you think.
And again, this new system is really neat!


To: Batman
From: FastestManAlive
Re: Dude!

Bats,
You have really outdone yourself! This new system is awesome! J’onn was just showing me how I can receive messages on my wristwatch! Speaking of which, thanks for the new watch! Just don’t tell me how much it cost; five-figure accessories might not faze ‘billionaire playboys’ but it would give me the willies to know how much I was casually wearing around my wrist.

Btw, did I hear you and Supes talking about a party the other day? And if so, why haven’t I been invited?!


To: FastestManAlive
From: Batman
Re: Dude!

WALLY,
“FastestManAlive” is NOT your user name! How did you change it? Change it back, NOW. This is not a system to be toyed with. And that watch (along with this system) is for emergencies ONLY. As I’ve already told Clark, this is not a casual chat system. Don’t send me something unless you need help.

PS - Clark and I were discussing a possible MEETING of the entire JL where we can relax and discuss any issues that have come up. IT IS NOT A PARTY!


To: Superman
From: FasterThanASpeedingSuperman
Re: Bats

Whoa. Do NOT talk to Bruce right now. He is in a VERY testy mood. He just chewed me out for using this system for something other than an emergency! Big Hypocrite! If he can use it to yell at me for changing my user name, I can use it to send flirtatious verging on freaky-stalker-type messages to Fire….er, or, I mean, messages about when I’m supposed to meet Fire for some one-on-one training. Yeah.

Anyway, like my new handle? Bats is furious that I hacked in and changed it from “Flash” but that’s boring! When people get a message from me, I want them to know exactly who they’re dealing with.

I think I’ll go run a few thousand laps…think you can keep up?


To: FasterThanASpeedingSuperman
From: Superman
Re: Challenge

Flash, please. You beat me ONCE, and that was after a long day of fighting bad guys. If you want to keep that precious title of yours, I suggest a rematch.


To: Superman
From: FasterThanASpeedingSuperman
Re: Challenge

Just name the time and place, and I’ll be there before you can even put your cape on, Big Guy.


To be continued...

That's all for today. Next time on "Gossip in the Watchtower": Rumors about the upcoming race circulate around the tower! Supergirl and Robin are up to something secretive! And Batman is not happy with the way his message system is being used!

See you next time!

Running

It has been brought to my attention (by my Mother, who called me last night) that it has been too long since I updated this blog. She's probably right (she always is) so here I am, updating.

Let's see, what has happened to me recently....well, I worked every day last week. All day. EVERY day. No, wait, that's a lie, I didn't work on Monday. Still. The owners of the boutique are in France (soooooo jealous!) so I'm running the store. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AT LAST! POWER!!!

Ahem.

Excuse me, lost my head for a moment. I'm sure that if they knew I was an evil genius, they never would have put me in charge. Oh well.

In addition to all this controlling and shouting, I have now, for the past three mornings in a row (including today), awakened at 7 to go for a run.

"WHAT???" I hear all of you asking. Or, as my mom put it: "On purpose?" No, Mom, I was not being chased by an angry mob, nor did I fall out of bed into my sneakers and just figured I'd keep going. I set my alarm, made the decision not to smash my alarm to pieces when it went off, got up, and went for a run. Did I mention this all happened at 7AM? Yeah.

The first time it happened, I wasn't very surprised. I can usually make myself do this sort of thing once. Getting myself to do it more than once, however.... So you can imagine my surprise yesterday and this morning when I found myself repeating the process. It's odd because my brain was saying "NO" while my body was going through the motions. It went something like this:

Alarm goes off. No, I'd rather not, thank you. Hey! What...what? What am I doing out of bed? Get back!!! Quick before you're really awake! ............. OK, fine. I'll just go upstairs, make some coffee and then come back down, get under the covers with a good book and read. No need to do anything rash......what are you doing with those running shoes? Noooo, put them baaaack...this can't be good. At which point, I stuff my iPod headphones in my ears, and turn on my Running playlist (which is full of very loud, very happy/angry songs) at a decibel which drowns out the rest of my brain's protestations. Then I run.

According to Mapquest, the round trip distance is 2.8miles. Wow. That seems like a lot. Keep in mind, I don't run the entire distance. I alternate running with walking. Basically, I run until I think my lungs are going to burst, then I walk until I can breathe fairly normally again, and then I run some more. The whole thing takes about 45 mins.

Usually, sometime on the way back from the park (I run a very small distance through a park, but mostly just run through the neighborhood) I start to wish I was dead, and the music becomes a little more distant, and my brain gets a little louder. It's at this time that I have to pretend I'm someone else, doing this for some noble reason or something. It's the only way I can fool my brain into thinking this is a good idea. This morning I imagined I was a hero in training. Yesterday, I held an interview with Ellen Degeneres concerning my exercise habits.
You see, I'm really bad at JUST doing physical activity. My brain HAS to do something, or I'll go insane. So, I keep myself entertained.

Anyway, back to the subject of updating. The problem is that I AM writing, I'm just writing stuff that probably wouldn't be of any interest to any of you. But, if you really want me to post it here, I will. Let's do a poll! The old one is really old, and it's time to change it. (Though I am happy to see that so many of you like toast, cause I sure do, too!)

Now, go forth and think and then vote. (If more people would do that thinking thing first when it comes to other voting situations, the world would be a better place!)

Love,
Jules