In which I digress...

I was just at the grocery store where I purchased some figs. For one thing, I thought I remembered that figs usually ripen in fall, so I thought I should grab them now while they're good. For another, I remembered that children's book, The Sweetest Fig about the guy who eats these figs which make his dreams come true, but then his dog eats the fig and they end up switching places so the dog could exact his revenge on the cruel master. And that's how it ends. Overall, kind of a creepy and potentially traumatic children's book. Not unlike The Brave Little Toaster. Has anyone seen that movie? IT'S FRIGHTENING. No wonder I turned out so weird. I watched that thing a hundred times. It was my favorite movie for a while, and it's SERIOUSLY intense. It may also explain my propensity for connecting with inanimate objects. Friends find it strange that my computer has a name (Blake Williams Poyer) and that I often speak to and sometimes stroke Blake when she's having trouble performing certain tasks. I just found one of the creepier clips from BLT. HA! "BLT" isn't that funny? I didn't even realize, I was just being lazy. Anyway, check it out.



See what I mean? Who wouldn't be traumatized? Apparently a lot of the founders of Pixar worked on BLT. No wonder I loved it.

But I was talking about figs. I can't recall ever having eaten a fig before. Fig Newton, yes, but not a fig.

Does anyone remember those Fig Newton commercials where somebody bites into a cookie and the loudness of the crunch ruins their day, so they have a Fig Newton instead. Ah yes, Fig Newton, for those discreet cookie eaters. Because heaven forbid you might make a noise while snacking, never mind what it tastes like. And for the record, I've never really cared for Fig Newtons. It's a polite cookie. The sort of thing you eat when offered at a party, but don't offer to take any home with you.

Figs, on the other hand, are quite good. I ate one while I was blogging just now. And they're small. A nice pre-dinner snack.

Wow, this whole post has been complete tosh, hasn't it?

Meh.

See you next time, dear readers.

Jules

PS- I got some great ideas on my monologue from Elizabeth (apparently she's the only one willing to be honest) and I will update with a newer, better version soon. Also, it will have a real ending. Ta ta!

I need help.

Blog readers UNITE! I need your help.
In a strange fever, in which my fingers began flying over the keyboard of their own accord, I have just written a monologue.
I think I mentioned that The Actor's Project uses only original material. This means you either get a monologue that was written by the director or one of the other members or you can write one yourself. Awesome. My showcase is in about three weeks, and after that, we start the whole process over again with new monologues for the next showcase. I would like to bring in this one, but I don't know how to finish it. Or if it's even any good. That's where you come in.

Keep in mind that I have just written this very quickly without a lot of editing. Also, try to imagine it in my crazy voice because I think it probably won't read as funny as it would be performed.

And if you have an idea for an ending, don't hesitate to give a shout.

I know I can count on you, dear readers. Goodnight.

Nerd
By Julia Poyer

So, I look like a fairly normal girl right? Even an attractive one, you might say. I’m just throwing that out there. Not fishing for compliments. What you don’t see, is that I have another side to me. One that’s become very…unhealthy. And I need to talk about it. And if you can’t talk about it to a support group, then who CAN you talk about it to? Right? Right.

So, here goes: Hi, my name is Julia. And I’m a nerd.

It’s been going on for a while, you know. (Laughs) A while. Who am I kidding? It’s been my whole damn life. I guess it started with Star Wars. And really, that wasn’t so bad. I mean everyone liked Star Wars. It was just an action film set in space what’s not to love?!

Now we’re talking about the Original Three not the travesties which came out later. Just wanna be clear.

Anyway, at first, it was fine, even kind of cool to like Star Wars. And then I started wearing my hair in Leia buns to school. That’s when they laughed at me. Oh yes. But even their laughter could not stop me.

Next, it was comic books. And I’m not just talking one or two. I’m talking STACKS of comic books. I have filled my parents garage with BOXES and BOXES of comic books. AND NO! I CAN’T JUST THROW THEM AWAY BECAUSE THEY MIGHT BE COLLECTIBLES SOMEDAY!

I’m sorry.

Finally, there was Star Trek. Star Trek the Original Series, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager. I could go on all day. (Very serious) No really, you’ve got to stop me now because I could literally go on all day.

It’s started to affect my personal life. I was dating this guy. We were pretty serious, I mean, he was nerd too. And then, one night, he asked me. He asked me The Question: Who’s better Kirk or Picard?

I said I didn’t know how to choose. It’s like saying who do you love more, your father or your husband? I mean, you grew up with your father. You’ve loved him your whole life and sure he can be a little hokey sometimes, and his special effects are a bit cardboard-on-a-string but you love him anyway. And then your husband, who you haven’t known for as long but whom you’ve grown to love just as much.

My boyfriend said I was stalling, and that he needed an answer.

“Picard” I said. (Defiant) And I’d say it again. Because that Shakespeare-quoting bald man lives right here. (touches chest)

My boyfriend moved out the next day.

I need help.