OK, I did warn you...the following is a fanfic I started writing. It is similar to "Naked Quidditch" in form, but not really in plot line. It is also not finished. I'm debating whether to post all of what I have, or put it up in segments. No doubt I'll continue to debate this right up until I publish this post. Anyway, here it is.
PS - If you haven't read "Naked Quidditch" I suggest that you do. It is an ingeniously hilarious story. You can read it here: http://diagonally.org/Fiction/op=show/kid=136.html
Gossip in the Watchtower
By: Jules Parker
Disclaimer: I do not own the Justice League. However, I'm going to take them out to play in this little story (from which I will earn NO money), but promise to put them back where I found them in good condition. Except for Batman. Him, I'm not giving back. Sorry.
To: Superman
From: Batman
Re: New message system
Clark,
J’onn and I finally have the new system up and running. We will issue user names to every JLU member, and J’onn promised to give a few tutorials on how it works. Basically, it’s just like e-mail, but it is completely secured against hackers, and Leaguers will be able to access it from nearly anywhere in the world and some parts of the universe, as well. We will be able to send instant alerts to any member, anonymously. Obviously, this has advantages over the comm system. We’ll have a better idea of how well it works in a few weeks. I’ll keep you posted.
PS - Have you talked to Diana recently? She’s been acting strange…
To: Batman
From: Superman
Re: New message system
Bruce, this system is incredible! Not even the Daily Planet has this level of communications technology! That message you sent me appeared on my computer at work, but no one else was able to read it! How did you make it so that only my eyes can decipher the text? I got Lois to try and make it out for ages, and she kept saying she couldn’t see it!
As for Diana, I haven’t had a lot of time to talk with her, lately. It seems like the only time I see ANYONE from the League is when we’re saving the world from peril. I think we need to schedule some downtime for everyone. It’s been a difficult year, we could all use some R&R. Maybe some kind of get together for the whole League? Let me know what you think.
And again, this new system is really neat!
To: Batman
From: FastestManAlive
Re: Dude!
Bats,
You have really outdone yourself! This new system is awesome! J’onn was just showing me how I can receive messages on my wristwatch! Speaking of which, thanks for the new watch! Just don’t tell me how much it cost; five-figure accessories might not faze ‘billionaire playboys’ but it would give me the willies to know how much I was casually wearing around my wrist.
Btw, did I hear you and Supes talking about a party the other day? And if so, why haven’t I been invited?!
To: FastestManAlive
From: Batman
Re: Dude!
WALLY,
“FastestManAlive” is NOT your user name! How did you change it? Change it back, NOW. This is not a system to be toyed with. And that watch (along with this system) is for emergencies ONLY. As I’ve already told Clark, this is not a casual chat system. Don’t send me something unless you need help.
PS - Clark and I were discussing a possible MEETING of the entire JL where we can relax and discuss any issues that have come up. IT IS NOT A PARTY!
To: Superman
From: FasterThanASpeedingSuperman
Re: Bats
Whoa. Do NOT talk to Bruce right now. He is in a VERY testy mood. He just chewed me out for using this system for something other than an emergency! Big Hypocrite! If he can use it to yell at me for changing my user name, I can use it to send flirtatious verging on freaky-stalker-type messages to Fire….er, or, I mean, messages about when I’m supposed to meet Fire for some one-on-one training. Yeah.
Anyway, like my new handle? Bats is furious that I hacked in and changed it from “Flash” but that’s boring! When people get a message from me, I want them to know exactly who they’re dealing with.
I think I’ll go run a few thousand laps…think you can keep up?
To: FasterThanASpeedingSuperman
From: Superman
Re: Challenge
Flash, please. You beat me ONCE, and that was after a long day of fighting bad guys. If you want to keep that precious title of yours, I suggest a rematch.
To: Superman
From: FasterThanASpeedingSuperman
Re: Challenge
Just name the time and place, and I’ll be there before you can even put your cape on, Big Guy.
To be continued...
That's all for today. Next time on "Gossip in the Watchtower": Rumors about the upcoming race circulate around the tower! Supergirl and Robin are up to something secretive! And Batman is not happy with the way his message system is being used!
See you next time!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Monday, September 10, 2007
Running
It has been brought to my attention (by my Mother, who called me last night) that it has been too long since I updated this blog. She's probably right (she always is) so here I am, updating.
Let's see, what has happened to me recently....well, I worked every day last week. All day. EVERY day. No, wait, that's a lie, I didn't work on Monday. Still. The owners of the boutique are in France (soooooo jealous!) so I'm running the store. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AT LAST! POWER!!!
Ahem.
Excuse me, lost my head for a moment. I'm sure that if they knew I was an evil genius, they never would have put me in charge. Oh well.
In addition to all this controlling and shouting, I have now, for the past three mornings in a row (including today), awakened at 7 to go for a run.
"WHAT???" I hear all of you asking. Or, as my mom put it: "On purpose?" No, Mom, I was not being chased by an angry mob, nor did I fall out of bed into my sneakers and just figured I'd keep going. I set my alarm, made the decision not to smash my alarm to pieces when it went off, got up, and went for a run. Did I mention this all happened at 7AM? Yeah.
The first time it happened, I wasn't very surprised. I can usually make myself do this sort of thing once. Getting myself to do it more than once, however.... So you can imagine my surprise yesterday and this morning when I found myself repeating the process. It's odd because my brain was saying "NO" while my body was going through the motions. It went something like this:
Alarm goes off. No, I'd rather not, thank you. Hey! What...what? What am I doing out of bed? Get back!!! Quick before you're really awake! ............. OK, fine. I'll just go upstairs, make some coffee and then come back down, get under the covers with a good book and read. No need to do anything rash......what are you doing with those running shoes? Noooo, put them baaaack...this can't be good. At which point, I stuff my iPod headphones in my ears, and turn on my Running playlist (which is full of very loud, very happy/angry songs) at a decibel which drowns out the rest of my brain's protestations. Then I run.
According to Mapquest, the round trip distance is 2.8miles. Wow. That seems like a lot. Keep in mind, I don't run the entire distance. I alternate running with walking. Basically, I run until I think my lungs are going to burst, then I walk until I can breathe fairly normally again, and then I run some more. The whole thing takes about 45 mins.
Usually, sometime on the way back from the park (I run a very small distance through a park, but mostly just run through the neighborhood) I start to wish I was dead, and the music becomes a little more distant, and my brain gets a little louder. It's at this time that I have to pretend I'm someone else, doing this for some noble reason or something. It's the only way I can fool my brain into thinking this is a good idea. This morning I imagined I was a hero in training. Yesterday, I held an interview with Ellen Degeneres concerning my exercise habits.
You see, I'm really bad at JUST doing physical activity. My brain HAS to do something, or I'll go insane. So, I keep myself entertained.
Anyway, back to the subject of updating. The problem is that I AM writing, I'm just writing stuff that probably wouldn't be of any interest to any of you. But, if you really want me to post it here, I will. Let's do a poll! The old one is really old, and it's time to change it. (Though I am happy to see that so many of you like toast, cause I sure do, too!)
Now, go forth and think and then vote. (If more people would do that thinking thing first when it comes to other voting situations, the world would be a better place!)
Love,
Jules
Let's see, what has happened to me recently....well, I worked every day last week. All day. EVERY day. No, wait, that's a lie, I didn't work on Monday. Still. The owners of the boutique are in France (soooooo jealous!) so I'm running the store. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! AT LAST! POWER!!!
Ahem.
Excuse me, lost my head for a moment. I'm sure that if they knew I was an evil genius, they never would have put me in charge. Oh well.
In addition to all this controlling and shouting, I have now, for the past three mornings in a row (including today), awakened at 7 to go for a run.
"WHAT???" I hear all of you asking. Or, as my mom put it: "On purpose?" No, Mom, I was not being chased by an angry mob, nor did I fall out of bed into my sneakers and just figured I'd keep going. I set my alarm, made the decision not to smash my alarm to pieces when it went off, got up, and went for a run. Did I mention this all happened at 7AM? Yeah.
The first time it happened, I wasn't very surprised. I can usually make myself do this sort of thing once. Getting myself to do it more than once, however.... So you can imagine my surprise yesterday and this morning when I found myself repeating the process. It's odd because my brain was saying "NO" while my body was going through the motions. It went something like this:
Alarm goes off. No, I'd rather not, thank you. Hey! What...what? What am I doing out of bed? Get back!!! Quick before you're really awake! ............. OK, fine. I'll just go upstairs, make some coffee and then come back down, get under the covers with a good book and read. No need to do anything rash......what are you doing with those running shoes? Noooo, put them baaaack...this can't be good. At which point, I stuff my iPod headphones in my ears, and turn on my Running playlist (which is full of very loud, very happy/angry songs) at a decibel which drowns out the rest of my brain's protestations. Then I run.
According to Mapquest, the round trip distance is 2.8miles. Wow. That seems like a lot. Keep in mind, I don't run the entire distance. I alternate running with walking. Basically, I run until I think my lungs are going to burst, then I walk until I can breathe fairly normally again, and then I run some more. The whole thing takes about 45 mins.
Usually, sometime on the way back from the park (I run a very small distance through a park, but mostly just run through the neighborhood) I start to wish I was dead, and the music becomes a little more distant, and my brain gets a little louder. It's at this time that I have to pretend I'm someone else, doing this for some noble reason or something. It's the only way I can fool my brain into thinking this is a good idea. This morning I imagined I was a hero in training. Yesterday, I held an interview with Ellen Degeneres concerning my exercise habits.
You see, I'm really bad at JUST doing physical activity. My brain HAS to do something, or I'll go insane. So, I keep myself entertained.
Anyway, back to the subject of updating. The problem is that I AM writing, I'm just writing stuff that probably wouldn't be of any interest to any of you. But, if you really want me to post it here, I will. Let's do a poll! The old one is really old, and it's time to change it. (Though I am happy to see that so many of you like toast, cause I sure do, too!)
Now, go forth and think and then vote. (If more people would do that thinking thing first when it comes to other voting situations, the world would be a better place!)
Love,
Jules
Friday, August 31, 2007
A Day in the Life...
It occurs to me that it must be fairly easy to guess what I'm watching and/or reading from day to day, simply by looking at my Quote of the Day (which is not really accurate because I don't change it every day, so sometimes a particular quote is the Quote of Many Days). For instance, I just put up a quote from Lois and Clark because I've been watching a lot of it lately. (I've run out of Batman, you see, and Superman is the next best thing!) I also recently had a quote from Louise Brooks, a silent film actress, whom I looked up on the imdb (I love that site!) because I came across her name in American Gods, which is the book I'm reading right now. Was that a run-on sentence? Anyway, American Gods is by Neil Gaiman, a genius/mentally unstable author (why is it that those two things always go hand in hand?) and I recommend his work to everyone. This particular novel was recommended to me by my sister, and I'm glad I finally picked it up! (See Liz, I do take your suggestions, it just takes me a while...I'll talk to you about Watership Down in 5-7 years.)
Anyway, I'm sure none of this is really interesting, but I did promise to keep people up to date with my life, and, let's face it, it's really not that exciting. Let's go through my typical day.
9:00AM - Alarm goes off.
9:38AM - I finally roll out of bed, having hit the snooze button a few (read: many) times.
9:50AM - I finish rolling out of bed and pry my eyes open. Yes, this takes a few minutes.
10:00AM - My limbs are finally cooperating and I am reasonably certain that I can make it up my treacherous spiral staircase without breaking my toe/leg/neck. Up I wearily go, and once I've reached the top (where the kitchen is) I begin making coffee.
10:15AM - I am back downstairs, coffee in hand, and my brain is actually starting to function a little. I turn on my computer and get online.
First, I check out the day's headlines on the AOL homepage. If something looks interesting, I'll read the article, otherwise I just do a quick sweep and then go straight to my e-mail. I delete the numerous pieces of junk mail, read the few pieces of personal mail, and, if I'm not too tired or pressed for time, I respond.
Next I head over to Mugglenet to see if there's any breaking Harry Potter news that I need to know about. "WHAT? JKR IS WRITING AN EIGHTH BOOK!!!" Just kidding.
Then, I head over to my blog and just sort of look at it for a while. I reread any comments I've gotten (they get sent to me by e-mail where I read them, but for some reason I always come over to the blog and read them again in person, so to speak). Sometimes I change something, but mostly I just look at it. "Yep. It's still here."
Finally, I might go over to youtube, if I have some time, or netflix to change up my queue, or DC comics to see what's coming out this week.
Around 11:00AM - If I'm working that day, I'll head upstairs to shower and get ready. If not, I'll probably skulk around the apartment in my jammies until well after noon.
Monday, Thursday, and Friday I work from 3-7 in a boutique called Otto. It's a great place with many things which I covet, but don't have enough money to own. Still, after a big shipment, the owners and I try on the new clothes and model them for each other to see how they fit and feel, so we can advise customers about size and style. It's like playing dress-up!
Saturday and Sunday I work all day, but it's not bad. The store has a very relaxed environment, and the owners (Annette and Deirdre) are very nice. Now, if only I didn't have to deal with the customers.....no, I'm just kidding! I haven't had anyone really difficult yet, though I am beginning to categorize them. I've been working out a list of Shopper Types which I'll post one of these days.
On my days off (Tuesday and Wednesday) I either audition or sleep in the mornings, and hang around the apartment during the day. I read, watch things, do laundry, buy groceries, clean... Sometimes I'll treat myself to a movie, or head to the comic book shop which has become a guilty pleasure for me. There are just so many comic books! And I get a thrill out of being the only cute girl in a shop full of nerdy-looking men who all stare at me as though I must have stumbled in here by accident and why is she picking up that Batman comic? OMG! Did she just SMILE at me???!!!! Be cool, BE COOL! Okay, she's also reading Countdown, strike up a conversation about the theme of temptation and when power becomes too much power in regards to Mary Marvel, yeah, say that.
"Tmprfft."
Blast! Foiled again! OK, next week, I'll form actual words.
1:00AM - I go to bed.
2:00AM - If I'm lucky, I'm asleep by now.
Sometime during the night - I dream that there's a bomb in the basement of my apartment and only I know how to diffuse it. Can you say, "too much Lois and Clark recently"?
So, that's a typical day.
Wow. And here I was just going to post a quick update...
Love,
Jules
Anyway, I'm sure none of this is really interesting, but I did promise to keep people up to date with my life, and, let's face it, it's really not that exciting. Let's go through my typical day.
9:00AM - Alarm goes off.
9:38AM - I finally roll out of bed, having hit the snooze button a few (read: many) times.
9:50AM - I finish rolling out of bed and pry my eyes open. Yes, this takes a few minutes.
10:00AM - My limbs are finally cooperating and I am reasonably certain that I can make it up my treacherous spiral staircase without breaking my toe/leg/neck. Up I wearily go, and once I've reached the top (where the kitchen is) I begin making coffee.
10:15AM - I am back downstairs, coffee in hand, and my brain is actually starting to function a little. I turn on my computer and get online.
First, I check out the day's headlines on the AOL homepage. If something looks interesting, I'll read the article, otherwise I just do a quick sweep and then go straight to my e-mail. I delete the numerous pieces of junk mail, read the few pieces of personal mail, and, if I'm not too tired or pressed for time, I respond.
Next I head over to Mugglenet to see if there's any breaking Harry Potter news that I need to know about. "WHAT? JKR IS WRITING AN EIGHTH BOOK!!!" Just kidding.
Then, I head over to my blog and just sort of look at it for a while. I reread any comments I've gotten (they get sent to me by e-mail where I read them, but for some reason I always come over to the blog and read them again in person, so to speak). Sometimes I change something, but mostly I just look at it. "Yep. It's still here."
Finally, I might go over to youtube, if I have some time, or netflix to change up my queue, or DC comics to see what's coming out this week.
Around 11:00AM - If I'm working that day, I'll head upstairs to shower and get ready. If not, I'll probably skulk around the apartment in my jammies until well after noon.
Monday, Thursday, and Friday I work from 3-7 in a boutique called Otto. It's a great place with many things which I covet, but don't have enough money to own. Still, after a big shipment, the owners and I try on the new clothes and model them for each other to see how they fit and feel, so we can advise customers about size and style. It's like playing dress-up!
Saturday and Sunday I work all day, but it's not bad. The store has a very relaxed environment, and the owners (Annette and Deirdre) are very nice. Now, if only I didn't have to deal with the customers.....no, I'm just kidding! I haven't had anyone really difficult yet, though I am beginning to categorize them. I've been working out a list of Shopper Types which I'll post one of these days.
On my days off (Tuesday and Wednesday) I either audition or sleep in the mornings, and hang around the apartment during the day. I read, watch things, do laundry, buy groceries, clean... Sometimes I'll treat myself to a movie, or head to the comic book shop which has become a guilty pleasure for me. There are just so many comic books! And I get a thrill out of being the only cute girl in a shop full of nerdy-looking men who all stare at me as though I must have stumbled in here by accident and why is she picking up that Batman comic? OMG! Did she just SMILE at me???!!!! Be cool, BE COOL! Okay, she's also reading Countdown, strike up a conversation about the theme of temptation and when power becomes too much power in regards to Mary Marvel, yeah, say that.
"Tmprfft."
Blast! Foiled again! OK, next week, I'll form actual words.
1:00AM - I go to bed.
2:00AM - If I'm lucky, I'm asleep by now.
Sometime during the night - I dream that there's a bomb in the basement of my apartment and only I know how to diffuse it. Can you say, "too much Lois and Clark recently"?
So, that's a typical day.
Wow. And here I was just going to post a quick update...
Love,
Jules
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
The Audition
So, I'm still on the cusp of getting a cold, though I'm fighting it desperately, but I decided to go on this audition anyway. The audition is for a touring company looking for a total of 8 people, and they've already had their equity auditions. Boy, do I know how to pick the tough ones... It's straight theatre which means no singing, so for the audition I had to perform two monologues: one contemporary and one classical. I chose my pieces from The Food Chain (which I've used before) and The Tempest (which I learned in a voice production and speech class at AMDA). I'm confident in both these pieces, and I like performing them which makes them great audition material.
I get there an hour early and wait. And wait. For musical theatre auditions, an hour early is late. That's usually about the time that we're allowed to sign-in, so people get there even earlier to be first in line. Apparently it's a little different for regular theatre. About fifteen minutes before the audition is scheduled to begin, someone shows up and hands around a sign-in sheet. I'm in slot number 2. We hand in our headshot and resume and wait some more. The monitor tells us how it's going to go: you go in, say your name, do your pieces, get out. If the guy gives you sides (lines from the play) to learn, come back out, learn them, and stick around to audition with them. It's sort of like an audition and a call-back all in one. If he doesn't give you sides, you can leave.
The first girl goes in, I pace nervously, and when she comes out, she has pages in her hands. Great. He liked her. No pressure, Julia, no pressure...
I go in, introduce myself and do my pieces. The first one (Food Chain) blows. For some reason, I just can't get into it. I'm nervous, and my mind is on other things. I'm worried about the one minute per monologue time limit, and when I accidentally skip a few lines in the middle, I just continue as though I meant to do that, even though my mind is suddenly screaming "YOU SCREWED UP!!!! OK, just let it go, get back on track, and...oops. Too late. It's over. Shake it off, and go into your next piece."
The second piece is much better. I relax a little, and remember that this is fun. I'm Ariel, a child-like spirit who just played some truly hilarious tricks on a bunch of burly sea men and made them scream like little girls while I essentially blew up their ship. Fun. It feels like it's going well, but I see out of the corner of my eye that my auditioner is carefully scrutinizing my resume with a confused frown. "AMDA? What is this 'AMDA' of which you speak?" Or maybe he didn't understand how the same person could play Laertes in Hamlet as well as Princess Peach in the musical version of Super Mario Brothers. I almost asked if he wanted me to clarify something, but didn't. I just said 'thank you' and walked out.
And now I'm home, laughing about the whole ridiculous process! Some people are great at showing their most marketable points in under 2 minutes; me, I just haven't learned that yet. But the more auditions I go on, the better I'll get.
I'm signing off now with the hope that I'll be able to post one of these once a week (that's how often I'm hoping to audition, now that I have a steady job).
Love,
Jules
I get there an hour early and wait. And wait. For musical theatre auditions, an hour early is late. That's usually about the time that we're allowed to sign-in, so people get there even earlier to be first in line. Apparently it's a little different for regular theatre. About fifteen minutes before the audition is scheduled to begin, someone shows up and hands around a sign-in sheet. I'm in slot number 2. We hand in our headshot and resume and wait some more. The monitor tells us how it's going to go: you go in, say your name, do your pieces, get out. If the guy gives you sides (lines from the play) to learn, come back out, learn them, and stick around to audition with them. It's sort of like an audition and a call-back all in one. If he doesn't give you sides, you can leave.
The first girl goes in, I pace nervously, and when she comes out, she has pages in her hands. Great. He liked her. No pressure, Julia, no pressure...
I go in, introduce myself and do my pieces. The first one (Food Chain) blows. For some reason, I just can't get into it. I'm nervous, and my mind is on other things. I'm worried about the one minute per monologue time limit, and when I accidentally skip a few lines in the middle, I just continue as though I meant to do that, even though my mind is suddenly screaming "YOU SCREWED UP!!!! OK, just let it go, get back on track, and...oops. Too late. It's over. Shake it off, and go into your next piece."
The second piece is much better. I relax a little, and remember that this is fun. I'm Ariel, a child-like spirit who just played some truly hilarious tricks on a bunch of burly sea men and made them scream like little girls while I essentially blew up their ship. Fun. It feels like it's going well, but I see out of the corner of my eye that my auditioner is carefully scrutinizing my resume with a confused frown. "AMDA? What is this 'AMDA' of which you speak?" Or maybe he didn't understand how the same person could play Laertes in Hamlet as well as Princess Peach in the musical version of Super Mario Brothers. I almost asked if he wanted me to clarify something, but didn't. I just said 'thank you' and walked out.
And now I'm home, laughing about the whole ridiculous process! Some people are great at showing their most marketable points in under 2 minutes; me, I just haven't learned that yet. But the more auditions I go on, the better I'll get.
I'm signing off now with the hope that I'll be able to post one of these once a week (that's how often I'm hoping to audition, now that I have a steady job).
Love,
Jules
Monday, August 27, 2007
Quick Update
Hello everyone! Sorry it's been so long since I wrote last. I've been working all weekend, and I've started to come down with a cold, so I'm not really in a quirky writing kinda mood. But I am still thinking about it, mulling over ideas, pondering outlines...
Other than that, there is nothing new to report. I hope this finds everyone well!
Love,
Jules
Other than that, there is nothing new to report. I hope this finds everyone well!
Love,
Jules
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Julia's Job Hunt part 3
Gah! Where does the time go?! It feels like only yesterday when I last posted. Well, here it is, the last chapter in the Job Hunt Chronicles. Everyone take a moment to shed a tear.
The really terrifying thing is that I don't have anything left to post. I might have to (gasp!) write something new!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! Well, don't worry, new material is brewing in my noggin which will, hopefully, produce a nice story stew and not sludge. Wait, does stew brew? No, I think that's beer...whatever, something appetizing will soon exit my head, let's just pray it isn't my brain. And with that disturbing image in your mind, here's part 3!
Julia's Job Hunt...Or, Is It Hot In Here?
Part 3: The Interview
(Julia gets up and puts on outfit. Takes off outfit, puts on outfit #2. Takes off outfit #2, puts on outfit #3. Takes off outfit #3, puts back on outfit #2. Considers shoes. Takes off outfit #2, puts on outfit#1 and shoes. Looks at self in mirror. Realizes she hasn't showered yet. Starts over.)
1 hour later....
(Julia is dressed [in outfit #1 and shoes #2] and ready to go. She heads out and decides to take the subway so that she doesn't melt in the heat. Gets off subway, walks 2 blocks, and melts in the heat anyway. Arrives at Lawyer Rachel's home [where she works])
Lawyer Rachel: Hi, you must be Julia!
Julia: Yes, nice to meet you. (They shake hands. Julia's is sweaty.)
Lawyer Rachel: Can I get you a glass of water?
Julia: (Is terrified that she would spill it everywhere.) I'm fine, thank you. You have a beautiful home. (Julia is not lying, it really is beautiful)
Lawyer Rachel: Thanks, my husband is an architect.
(They get down to business. LR explains the job, and that Julia would be free to choose her own hours. Julia jumps for joy inside.)
Julia: I would prefer to work mornings, and to spread my hours out over a couple of days a week.
LR: Yes, that's what I would prefer, as well. (Julia mentally puts a tally in the "score" column of her mind.)
(They chat some more.)
LR: I also need someone who can talk to clients on the phone and just be a sympathetic ear. I, as the mediator (Rachel handles divorce cases), really have to remain impartial, but I would like an assistant who can listen calmly to their story and offer support, and then just sum it up for me later in a more direct way.
Julia: Well, I'm a great listener. All my friends say so.
LR: Good. That's a good skill to have.
Julia: Hmmm? I'm sorry, what?
LR: I said: "that's a good skill to have."
Julia: Oh, right. Sorry, I wasn't listening.
LR: Riiiight... (sweat drips down Julia's back)
(They chat even more.)
LR: So you can see the environment in which you'll be working. Obviously, it is my home and there can be some distractions. One woman who worked for me would often be distracted whenever my kids would get home. Are you OK about working while my kids are around?
Julia: Me? Oh I love kids!! Love, love, love! I can't wait to have kids of my own. I'm planning on about 50 or so. I think kids are just fantastic! In fact, you ought to watch out, I might steal yours away! (Julia laughs maniacally. Thinks she may have overdone it a bit.)
LR: Riiiight... (more sweat)
(Still more chatting and a tour of the "office".)
LR: What sort of pay were you hoping for?
Julia: (freezes. She hates this question. It feels like trying to guess what number someone is thinking, and every time she's tried to answer, she's been wrong.) Well, ideally, I would like $10/hr. But I can understand if that's something I would have to work up to.
LR: Actually, I would probably pay you more than that.
Julia: Huh?
LR: Well, I expect you to be able to think things through, and not just mindlessly follow orders. I want someone with a brain, someone who's smart.
Julia: (Thinks-I have a brain! I'm smart! Say something smart, Julia. Go on, say something smart!!!) Fire bad, tree pretty.
LR: ....
Julia: (Thinks - Yeah, probably not your best option, Jules.) So...more than $10, you say?
(They finish talking, and LR shows Julia out.)
LR: I'm interviewing a total of 5 people, and I'm hoping to make my decision next week, so I'll let you know. And feel free to e-mail me with any questions or if you change your mind about the job.
Julia: Will do! It was very nice to meet you, Lawyer Rachel.
LR: It was nice to meet you. And you can just call me Rachel.
Julia: Right. Well, bye!
LR: Bye.
(Julia walks out in the heat and sweats some more. But overall, she feels pretty good about the whole thing.)
Next time on Julia's Job Hunt:
Will Lawyer Rachel hire her? What about the boutique called Otto? Will Julia ever be dry again? Find out next time!
Love,Jules
PS-"Fire bad, tree pretty" is a quote from an episode of Buffy. Clearly, Joss Whedon has influenced me A LOT!
The really terrifying thing is that I don't have anything left to post. I might have to (gasp!) write something new!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! Well, don't worry, new material is brewing in my noggin which will, hopefully, produce a nice story stew and not sludge. Wait, does stew brew? No, I think that's beer...whatever, something appetizing will soon exit my head, let's just pray it isn't my brain. And with that disturbing image in your mind, here's part 3!
Julia's Job Hunt...Or, Is It Hot In Here?
Part 3: The Interview
(Julia gets up and puts on outfit. Takes off outfit, puts on outfit #2. Takes off outfit #2, puts on outfit #3. Takes off outfit #3, puts back on outfit #2. Considers shoes. Takes off outfit #2, puts on outfit#1 and shoes. Looks at self in mirror. Realizes she hasn't showered yet. Starts over.)
1 hour later....
(Julia is dressed [in outfit #1 and shoes #2] and ready to go. She heads out and decides to take the subway so that she doesn't melt in the heat. Gets off subway, walks 2 blocks, and melts in the heat anyway. Arrives at Lawyer Rachel's home [where she works])
Lawyer Rachel: Hi, you must be Julia!
Julia: Yes, nice to meet you. (They shake hands. Julia's is sweaty.)
Lawyer Rachel: Can I get you a glass of water?
Julia: (Is terrified that she would spill it everywhere.) I'm fine, thank you. You have a beautiful home. (Julia is not lying, it really is beautiful)
Lawyer Rachel: Thanks, my husband is an architect.
(They get down to business. LR explains the job, and that Julia would be free to choose her own hours. Julia jumps for joy inside.)
Julia: I would prefer to work mornings, and to spread my hours out over a couple of days a week.
LR: Yes, that's what I would prefer, as well. (Julia mentally puts a tally in the "score" column of her mind.)
(They chat some more.)
LR: I also need someone who can talk to clients on the phone and just be a sympathetic ear. I, as the mediator (Rachel handles divorce cases), really have to remain impartial, but I would like an assistant who can listen calmly to their story and offer support, and then just sum it up for me later in a more direct way.
Julia: Well, I'm a great listener. All my friends say so.
LR: Good. That's a good skill to have.
Julia: Hmmm? I'm sorry, what?
LR: I said: "that's a good skill to have."
Julia: Oh, right. Sorry, I wasn't listening.
LR: Riiiight... (sweat drips down Julia's back)
(They chat even more.)
LR: So you can see the environment in which you'll be working. Obviously, it is my home and there can be some distractions. One woman who worked for me would often be distracted whenever my kids would get home. Are you OK about working while my kids are around?
Julia: Me? Oh I love kids!! Love, love, love! I can't wait to have kids of my own. I'm planning on about 50 or so. I think kids are just fantastic! In fact, you ought to watch out, I might steal yours away! (Julia laughs maniacally. Thinks she may have overdone it a bit.)
LR: Riiiight... (more sweat)
(Still more chatting and a tour of the "office".)
LR: What sort of pay were you hoping for?
Julia: (freezes. She hates this question. It feels like trying to guess what number someone is thinking, and every time she's tried to answer, she's been wrong.) Well, ideally, I would like $10/hr. But I can understand if that's something I would have to work up to.
LR: Actually, I would probably pay you more than that.
Julia: Huh?
LR: Well, I expect you to be able to think things through, and not just mindlessly follow orders. I want someone with a brain, someone who's smart.
Julia: (Thinks-I have a brain! I'm smart! Say something smart, Julia. Go on, say something smart!!!) Fire bad, tree pretty.
LR: ....
Julia: (Thinks - Yeah, probably not your best option, Jules.) So...more than $10, you say?
(They finish talking, and LR shows Julia out.)
LR: I'm interviewing a total of 5 people, and I'm hoping to make my decision next week, so I'll let you know. And feel free to e-mail me with any questions or if you change your mind about the job.
Julia: Will do! It was very nice to meet you, Lawyer Rachel.
LR: It was nice to meet you. And you can just call me Rachel.
Julia: Right. Well, bye!
LR: Bye.
(Julia walks out in the heat and sweats some more. But overall, she feels pretty good about the whole thing.)
Next time on Julia's Job Hunt:
Will Lawyer Rachel hire her? What about the boutique called Otto? Will Julia ever be dry again? Find out next time!
Love,Jules
PS-"Fire bad, tree pretty" is a quote from an episode of Buffy. Clearly, Joss Whedon has influenced me A LOT!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Julia's Job Hunt part 2
Hello everyone! A lot of you have been asking about the whole audition thing, and whether or not I have/will/am going on any. To be honest, I've only been on three, and didn't even get seen on one of those. However, there is good news on the horizon! For the first time, there is an audition coming up that I'm actually really excited to go to! It takes place in the evening, for one thing, so I don't have to get up at an impossible hour to make myself all pretty and stuff, and it's for a couple different plays, in all of which I believe I'm castable. I feel fairly confident about it, but I'm still going to have to get off my lazy bum and practice my monologues; shouldn't be too hard, since I really like the two I'm planning on performing. Anyway, I'm announcing this here so that you can all bother me about it and make sure that I actually go!
And now, with that bit of business finished, I give you part 2!
Julia's Job Hunt, or, Physical Labor, It's All I'm Good For.
Part 2: Julia Answers Craigslist Help Wanted Ad
Julia: (looking at jobs on craigslist) Hmmm...cleaning person needed...simple cleaning jobs and running errands, $10 an hour, no experience needed, great for students looking for extra cash and/or really desperate 22 year olds. (Julia writes e-mail to craigslist poster.)
The Next Day
Julia: La, la, la, I think I'll check my e-mail. Hey! I got a response for that simple cleaning gig! (she reads) Real estate agent needs someone to clean apartments before I show them. Call if you can come today. (thinks) Today? That's awfully soon, I'd better get dressed!
45 minutes later...
Julia: (on the phone) Hi, this is Julia, I'm calling about the cleaning position.
Mateo: (on the other end) Great, I really need someone to clean this apartment which is going to be painted. Can you get to St. Marks Ave in 30 mins?
Julia: Get where? In what?
Mateo: St. Marks Ave. AVENUE, not PLACE. Here are some really confusing directions. You got all that?
Julia: Uh...me leave now?
Mateo: Good, call me when you get there.
20 minutes later...
Julia: (Get's off subway, walks in completely wrong direction for 5 blocks. Walks back and talks to subway station agent.) Excuse me, could you tell me where St. Marks Ave is.
Station Agent: There's a St. Marks Place.
Julia: Yes, I know, but I'm looking for St. Marks AVE.
Station Agent: (looks at Julia suspiciously) And I suppose you want to find your way to platform 9 3/4, also. Why don't you just start banging into every wall you find until you get where you're going. (Julia blinks up at him in confusion) THERE IS NO ST MARKS AVE!!!!
Julia: (on the phone) Um...Mateo, there is no St. Marks Ave.
Mateo: If you walk it, it will come.
Julia: Riiiight. (starts walking) Hey, look at that! A sign that says "St. Marks Ave"! Stupid station agent, grumble, grumble, grumble. (calls Mateo) I'm here!
Mateo: Great, I'll be there in a few minutes.
Julia: (waits.....watches girls fill out rental applications and make phone calls to their mommies and ask about co-signing. Julia sighs, and remembers those happier times.)
Mateo: (arrives) Hi, you must be Julia. Let me get these girls settled and then I'll show you what you'll be doing.
Julia: Great.
10 minutes later...
Mateo: OK, I need you to vacuum all the common areas, the entrance way and stairs and all the landings. Actually, sweep them with the shortest broom ever made, first. Then, take this almost completely useless vacuum which has no attachments, just the long sucking tube, and go back over everything. If your back doesn't hurt, you're doing it wrong.
2 hours and much bending over later...
Mateo: Now sweep the outside stairs and sidewalk with the same teeny tiny broom.
30 mins and more bending later...
Mateo: Good. Have you collapsed yet? No? Excellent, I have another apartment to clean.
Julia: Oh joy.
(They drive)
Mateo: OK, I need you to clean all the windows and windowsills, they have to be painted and we don't want to just paint over the dirt.
Julia: We don't?
Mateo: After that, you can do the stairs and hallways like you did at the last place. (He gives her a different vacuum, still with just the skinny tube, but at least it really sucks stuff up!)
1 hour later...
Mateo: Great, stay for another 15 mins and we'll call it an even 4 hours. We never really talked pay...
Julia: (jumps in desperately) Your website said $10 an hour!
Mateo: Hmmm...yeah, I guess. Usually I start people off at about $8. I'll give you the $10 today, and then if you want more regular work I'll have to give you $8, but if you keep working and are reliable, I'll bump it up. The last two girls only wanted to do it for one day, and then they said they couldn't. Weird, huh?
Julia: Noooooo...really? (thinks) Me no likey hard larbor. But me desperate.
Mateo: What?
Julia: What? Nothing. That's sounds fine.
Mateo: OK. Clean the baseboards and the scrub the door, and we'll call it a day.
15 mins later...
Mateo: Here's your money. (he holds out $40 dollars. The clouds part for a moment and a beam of sunlight hits the two twenties as they pass into Julia's hands. A choir of small boys burst into rapturous song....) Um, are you OK?
Julia: (shakes her head to clear it of choir boys) Yeah, I'm fine.
Mateo: Call me Sunday night if you want to do more work.
Julia: (dazed) Yeah, sure. Bye. (she walks away, the $40 safe in her purse.) I think I'll treat myself to Chinese food tonight...
The End
Next on Julia's Job Hunt:Will Julia call Mateo for more work? Will her back ever recover? Was the Chinese food good?Find out next time!
And now, with that bit of business finished, I give you part 2!
Julia's Job Hunt, or, Physical Labor, It's All I'm Good For.
Part 2: Julia Answers Craigslist Help Wanted Ad
Julia: (looking at jobs on craigslist) Hmmm...cleaning person needed...simple cleaning jobs and running errands, $10 an hour, no experience needed, great for students looking for extra cash and/or really desperate 22 year olds. (Julia writes e-mail to craigslist poster.)
The Next Day
Julia: La, la, la, I think I'll check my e-mail. Hey! I got a response for that simple cleaning gig! (she reads) Real estate agent needs someone to clean apartments before I show them. Call if you can come today. (thinks) Today? That's awfully soon, I'd better get dressed!
45 minutes later...
Julia: (on the phone) Hi, this is Julia, I'm calling about the cleaning position.
Mateo: (on the other end) Great, I really need someone to clean this apartment which is going to be painted. Can you get to St. Marks Ave in 30 mins?
Julia: Get where? In what?
Mateo: St. Marks Ave. AVENUE, not PLACE. Here are some really confusing directions. You got all that?
Julia: Uh...me leave now?
Mateo: Good, call me when you get there.
20 minutes later...
Julia: (Get's off subway, walks in completely wrong direction for 5 blocks. Walks back and talks to subway station agent.) Excuse me, could you tell me where St. Marks Ave is.
Station Agent: There's a St. Marks Place.
Julia: Yes, I know, but I'm looking for St. Marks AVE.
Station Agent: (looks at Julia suspiciously) And I suppose you want to find your way to platform 9 3/4, also. Why don't you just start banging into every wall you find until you get where you're going. (Julia blinks up at him in confusion) THERE IS NO ST MARKS AVE!!!!
Julia: (on the phone) Um...Mateo, there is no St. Marks Ave.
Mateo: If you walk it, it will come.
Julia: Riiiight. (starts walking) Hey, look at that! A sign that says "St. Marks Ave"! Stupid station agent, grumble, grumble, grumble. (calls Mateo) I'm here!
Mateo: Great, I'll be there in a few minutes.
Julia: (waits.....watches girls fill out rental applications and make phone calls to their mommies and ask about co-signing. Julia sighs, and remembers those happier times.)
Mateo: (arrives) Hi, you must be Julia. Let me get these girls settled and then I'll show you what you'll be doing.
Julia: Great.
10 minutes later...
Mateo: OK, I need you to vacuum all the common areas, the entrance way and stairs and all the landings. Actually, sweep them with the shortest broom ever made, first. Then, take this almost completely useless vacuum which has no attachments, just the long sucking tube, and go back over everything. If your back doesn't hurt, you're doing it wrong.
2 hours and much bending over later...
Mateo: Now sweep the outside stairs and sidewalk with the same teeny tiny broom.
30 mins and more bending later...
Mateo: Good. Have you collapsed yet? No? Excellent, I have another apartment to clean.
Julia: Oh joy.
(They drive)
Mateo: OK, I need you to clean all the windows and windowsills, they have to be painted and we don't want to just paint over the dirt.
Julia: We don't?
Mateo: After that, you can do the stairs and hallways like you did at the last place. (He gives her a different vacuum, still with just the skinny tube, but at least it really sucks stuff up!)
1 hour later...
Mateo: Great, stay for another 15 mins and we'll call it an even 4 hours. We never really talked pay...
Julia: (jumps in desperately) Your website said $10 an hour!
Mateo: Hmmm...yeah, I guess. Usually I start people off at about $8. I'll give you the $10 today, and then if you want more regular work I'll have to give you $8, but if you keep working and are reliable, I'll bump it up. The last two girls only wanted to do it for one day, and then they said they couldn't. Weird, huh?
Julia: Noooooo...really? (thinks) Me no likey hard larbor. But me desperate.
Mateo: What?
Julia: What? Nothing. That's sounds fine.
Mateo: OK. Clean the baseboards and the scrub the door, and we'll call it a day.
15 mins later...
Mateo: Here's your money. (he holds out $40 dollars. The clouds part for a moment and a beam of sunlight hits the two twenties as they pass into Julia's hands. A choir of small boys burst into rapturous song....) Um, are you OK?
Julia: (shakes her head to clear it of choir boys) Yeah, I'm fine.
Mateo: Call me Sunday night if you want to do more work.
Julia: (dazed) Yeah, sure. Bye. (she walks away, the $40 safe in her purse.) I think I'll treat myself to Chinese food tonight...
The End
Next on Julia's Job Hunt:Will Julia call Mateo for more work? Will her back ever recover? Was the Chinese food good?Find out next time!
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