Thursday, August 23, 2007

Julia's Job Hunt part 3

Gah! Where does the time go?! It feels like only yesterday when I last posted. Well, here it is, the last chapter in the Job Hunt Chronicles. Everyone take a moment to shed a tear.

The really terrifying thing is that I don't have anything left to post. I might have to (gasp!) write something new!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! Well, don't worry, new material is brewing in my noggin which will, hopefully, produce a nice story stew and not sludge. Wait, does stew brew? No, I think that's beer...whatever, something appetizing will soon exit my head, let's just pray it isn't my brain. And with that disturbing image in your mind, here's part 3!

Julia's Job Hunt...Or, Is It Hot In Here?
Part 3: The Interview

(Julia gets up and puts on outfit. Takes off outfit, puts on outfit #2. Takes off outfit #2, puts on outfit #3. Takes off outfit #3, puts back on outfit #2. Considers shoes. Takes off outfit #2, puts on outfit#1 and shoes. Looks at self in mirror. Realizes she hasn't showered yet. Starts over.)

1 hour later....

(Julia is dressed [in outfit #1 and shoes #2] and ready to go. She heads out and decides to take the subway so that she doesn't melt in the heat. Gets off subway, walks 2 blocks, and melts in the heat anyway. Arrives at Lawyer Rachel's home [where she works])

Lawyer Rachel: Hi, you must be Julia!
Julia: Yes, nice to meet you. (They shake hands. Julia's is sweaty.)
Lawyer Rachel: Can I get you a glass of water?
Julia: (Is terrified that she would spill it everywhere.) I'm fine, thank you. You have a beautiful home. (Julia is not lying, it really is beautiful)
Lawyer Rachel: Thanks, my husband is an architect.

(They get down to business. LR explains the job, and that Julia would be free to choose her own hours. Julia jumps for joy inside.)

Julia: I would prefer to work mornings, and to spread my hours out over a couple of days a week.
LR: Yes, that's what I would prefer, as well. (Julia mentally puts a tally in the "score" column of her mind.)

(They chat some more.)

LR: I also need someone who can talk to clients on the phone and just be a sympathetic ear. I, as the mediator (Rachel handles divorce cases), really have to remain impartial, but I would like an assistant who can listen calmly to their story and offer support, and then just sum it up for me later in a more direct way.
Julia: Well, I'm a great listener. All my friends say so.
LR: Good. That's a good skill to have.
Julia: Hmmm? I'm sorry, what?
LR: I said: "that's a good skill to have."
Julia: Oh, right. Sorry, I wasn't listening.
LR: Riiiight... (sweat drips down Julia's back)

(They chat even more.)

LR: So you can see the environment in which you'll be working. Obviously, it is my home and there can be some distractions. One woman who worked for me would often be distracted whenever my kids would get home. Are you OK about working while my kids are around?
Julia: Me? Oh I love kids!! Love, love, love! I can't wait to have kids of my own. I'm planning on about 50 or so. I think kids are just fantastic! In fact, you ought to watch out, I might steal yours away! (Julia laughs maniacally. Thinks she may have overdone it a bit.)
LR: Riiiight... (more sweat)

(Still more chatting and a tour of the "office".)

LR: What sort of pay were you hoping for?
Julia: (freezes. She hates this question. It feels like trying to guess what number someone is thinking, and every time she's tried to answer, she's been wrong.) Well, ideally, I would like $10/hr. But I can understand if that's something I would have to work up to.
LR: Actually, I would probably pay you more than that.
Julia: Huh?
LR: Well, I expect you to be able to think things through, and not just mindlessly follow orders. I want someone with a brain, someone who's smart.
Julia: (Thinks-I have a brain! I'm smart! Say something smart, Julia. Go on, say something smart!!!) Fire bad, tree pretty.
LR: ....
Julia: (Thinks - Yeah, probably not your best option, Jules.) So...more than $10, you say?

(They finish talking, and LR shows Julia out.)

LR: I'm interviewing a total of 5 people, and I'm hoping to make my decision next week, so I'll let you know. And feel free to e-mail me with any questions or if you change your mind about the job.
Julia: Will do! It was very nice to meet you, Lawyer Rachel.
LR: It was nice to meet you. And you can just call me Rachel.
Julia: Right. Well, bye!
LR: Bye.

(Julia walks out in the heat and sweats some more. But overall, she feels pretty good about the whole thing.)

Next time on Julia's Job Hunt:
Will Lawyer Rachel hire her? What about the boutique called Otto? Will Julia ever be dry again? Find out next time!

Love,Jules

PS-"Fire bad, tree pretty" is a quote from an episode of Buffy. Clearly, Joss Whedon has influenced me A LOT!

2 comments:

Jenna said...

I am sad that was the last job hunt chronicle. I feel like there is a lot missing. You never answered "Next on Julia's Job Hunt:Will Julia call Mateo for more work? Will her back ever recover? Was the Chinese food good?Find out next time!"
I guess I am supposed to infer: No, Yes, and Probably. :)
You write really well and are funny too, I can't wait to see what else is posted! (insert some creepy stalker saying ie. I'm your number one fan!)

Anonymous said...

hilarious!