1) Denial
It's not really out-out. Just wait a few minutes, it'll come back on.
Maybe try unplugging it and plugging it back in.
You didn't wait long enough before plugging it back in, you're supposed to wait 30 seconds, try it one more time.
*3 Hours Later*
Aaaany minute now...
2) Anger
*Hurls computer across the room*
AAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHH!!!!!
ARE YOU F*%$ING KIDDING ME??!
THAT'S IT!!!
*Steam curls out of nostrils like a cartoon bull*
I AM CALLING CUSTOMER SERVICE AND GIVING THEM A PIECE OF MY MIND!!
3) Bargaining
*Upon finally reaching a human at customer service*
Please....
Please kind sir/madam, I promise not to yell... just please let me have my internet back.
I'll do anything - I mean, I do already pay for it... - but I can do more! Whatever you want!
Just... just give me a taste, just enough to get me through the next hour, I'm begging you...
Customer service representative: Uh, ma'am? That's uh, that's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. Ma'am? Ma'am, please stop crying...
4) Depression
Time ticks by in this hollow place...
I am adrift without direction, without purpose...
How much time has passed? Hours? Days? Years?
Shall I ever know joy again?
Did I ever know it before?
I shall lay here quietly, and perhaps, someday, I will find it again.
5) Acceptance
Internet who?
Nah, I'm into beekeeping now. Got my artisanal honey business to think about.
Also, I made a cabinet. No biggie.
And I've taken up yodeling. Neighbors are thrilled.
And you know what? I really don't miss it. I don't spend hours reading the news or scrolling through social media, and I feel better for it. Happier. Lighter. I feel like I could actually DO something for a change! You know, I think this-
Oh, it's back on.
Well, that's OK, it's there if I need it, but really I'm just going to continue with all that other stuff, no need to jump on right away.
Lemme just... I'll just check Twitter real quick, just to see what I missed. Just a quick look... and.... and then I'll...
No comments:
Post a Comment