Friday, May 9, 2008

The Curious Blogging Habits of an Urban Woman

The Julia is a strange and fascinating creature, whose ability to procrastinate from Blogging far out-does any other creature which Blogs.

Even when she has a day which is chock full of good Blogging material, as opposed to her regularly mundane life, she postpones the writing of said Blog in several ways.

First, she composes parts of the entry in her head, which she is unable to write because she is not near the all-essential computer. Then, having reached typing-distance of Blake, the Julia declares that she can only Blog in the early morning or very late at night. Since she is trying to go to sleep at a more reasonable hour these days, she decides to get up at 9:00am the next morning and complete the Blog, knowing full well that she will never get up at 9:00am unless there is a fire. Her capacity for deceiving herself is one of the strangest and most fascinating features of this unusual creature.

Indeed, the Julia sleeps in until 10:30am. While this still gives her several hours to compose her Blog, she instead insists that her whole schedule is thrown off, and she simply cannot type a single word. (The Julia is a sensitive creature, whose creative energies can be thrown off by the slightest misstep.) She cleans her room instead.

"There," the Julia says to herself, "I'm still doing something productive...it's just not Blog-writing."

She resolves to write the following morning, and again sets her alarm for 9:00am. When it goes off, she hits Snooze, though she also pulls open one curtain to allow daylight into her habitat. This, the Julia believes, will wake her gradually each time the Snooze alarm goes off, until she can finally get out of bed.

This plan, while clever, is weakened by the complete lack of sunshine. The day is overcast and gloomy, and hardly brighter than the dead of night.

The Julia sleeps until 10:30am.

Cursing her inability to awaken at the proper time, the Julia stumbles up the winding stairs, and puts on the essential pot of coffee. While it brews, she reads Robin McKinley's Blog for inspiration.

"See," the Julia says to herself, "she can write an entry EVERY DAY! And it is always interesting. Of course...she IS a professional WRITER."

The Julia sips at her first cup, and her brain begins to thaw. She is not yet ready to write, and so continues to read.

As she drains the last of that cup, the Julia begins to look as though she is ready to Blog. She fortifies herself with another cup of coffee, and sits confidently in front of Blake.

"My day off," she begins, but she is halted by another distraction. While preparing to write this Blog, the Julia's narrator has been chattering non-stop inside her head. He is insisting that she write his observations of her. The Julia throws the last of the coffee down her throat in an attempt to drown him (or, perhaps, just to shut him up long enough so she can write what she intended to write), but it does no good. Soon, the Julia looks up to find that her fingers have typed an entire entry that has nothing to do with her day off (in which she did many exciting, Blog-worthy things)!

And now, it is too late. The Julia must begin to think about getting ready for work.

Still, she forces the narrator aside for a moment, and types desperately...

"I loved Iron Man!!!! Everyone must go see it!!!!"

Exhausted from this small effort, the Julia reaches again for her coffee cup, but finds it empty. This Blogging has come to a close.

Perhaps next time, she will be capable of more.

Farewell.

2 comments:

Jenna said...

very funny post!!

Anonymous said...

HI-LARIOUS!!!!!