Technical Difficulties

I just published a post but every time I look at it the font is doing something weird. I think I've fixed it for now, but if it looks weird, now you know why.

Halloween (sans pictures)

OK, I still don't have the pictures from Halloween, but I wrote this AGES ago (OK, maybe it was only two weeks ago, but it FEELS like ages) and I'm just going to post it, pictures or no pictures.

So here it is:

This is supposed to be my Halloween story, but I do not yet have the accompanying pictures. However, I may have them by the end of the day (note: I did not get them at the end of the day), in which case, this could still be my Halloween story. So let's get the story part out of the way.

I mentioned on my Facebook page (I know, it's shocking. I actually updated my status. It only happens every three or four months, so I kind of doubt that anyone actually saw it since I've trained them not to look at my page. WHICH IS EXACTLY HOW I WANT IT. As soon as people think I might actually be a part of an online community, they start expecting me to do things like answer them in a timely manner when they leave me a message.) that I was considering my costume options. On the one hand, I bought that dress that looks very Star Trek. Not only that, but the dress is from Otto, and I always like wearing Otto clothes when I'm working. "Working" being a fairly loose term for what I was doing on Saturday since a great part of my job involved handing out candy to the throngs of children. However, though the dress is very reminiscent of Star Trek, it is not entirely accurate. For one thing it's black and gray when it ought to be black and red or blue or gold. For another thing....no, wait, that's the only thing. Other than that it looks almost exactly like a Starfleet uniform. (The spell-check does NOT recognize "Starfleet". I'm shocked.) And it looks even more like a Starfleet uniform when I wear my communicator pin which my mother bought me from Geeks-R-Us.

Option 2 was to wear a red shirt with black trousers. I even considered doing some fancy make-up effects to make me appear dead, since we all know that is the fate of Red Shirts. (Or do we all know that? Have I nerded all of you up enough? The rule is, if three of the main cast are beaming down to the planet with Ensign Ricky, who is wearing a red shirt, you can bet that Ensign Ricky will be dead before the first commercial break. This 'proves' that the situation is very serious and the main characters are in danger. Except we know they aren't because, hello, they'll be back on next week.) Although, that's not actually true in The Next Generation because Captain Picard wears red, and he certainly hasn't died yet. Neither has Smug Git. (I love Will Riker, I really do, but he can be a bit of a smug git sometimes, so I've taken to calling him that. I say it fondly, though.) Therefore, this costume choice would be more accurate to classic Trek, but then my communicator is Next Gen, so again, we have a bit of a pickle. (Not really, I just like saying "pickle".)

I went with option 1. I figured most of Park Slope wouldn't really know the difference, and I would look nice and maybe even sell the dress. (I did actually have two girls about my age who complimented me and asked if I had made the outfit myself. "No," I replied, "What kind of dork do you think I am? I bought it here." I showed it to them, they oohed and ahhed, and mused that maybe they could buy it and dress as Trekkers for Halloween. I then had to explain that the communicator did not come with the dress. That I was, in fact, the kind of dork they thought, and no, they could not borrow the pin.) Oh, I forgot to mention that in addition to the communicator pin, I had my pips (little gold circles which display your rank) which I made by sticking two gold earrings through the neck of the dress. They looked amazingly accurate, and I checked online to see what rank that would make me just in case anyone asked (which they didn't, but I told them anyway, at every opportunity). Lieutenant Poyer, at your service.

I must admit that I did try the communicator out. "Lieutenant Poyer to Captain Picard," I said, tapping the pin once. No one answered. Sigh.

Many people recognized that I was a Star Trek Character, but only two recognized that there was something not quite right about my outfit.

"What does gray represent? I don't remember that specialty. Red is for command, blue for science and gold for tactical, so what is gray for?" This was asked by an middle-aged man who was trick-or-treating with a large group of adults and children.

I smiled. "Yeah, it's not entirely accurate, but I did the best with what I had."
I only saw one other Trekker in costume, and (surprisingly) it was another woman. She had an official costume, though, not something cobbled together. I happened to be surrounded by children when she came up, but I did hear someone say, "But she's from Next Generation," and looked up in time to see the fellow Trekker standing with her husband (I'm assuming) and a few others all looking intently at me. I smiled and waved, then was forced to concentrate on the jostling children. I swear, the more candy they get, the more desperate they are.
All in all, it was a fun day. Several people said, "Live long and prosper" to which I replied, "Actually, that's from the original Star Trek series with Spock, whereas I am from Star Trek The Next Generation." I'm kidding. I didn't say that. What kind of nerd do you think I am? I just laughed and smiled and did the hand gesture back at them (the Star Trek hand gesture, not the rude one).

I did, however, correct Deirdre who saw my outfit and said, "The Force is with you."

"No, Deirdre," I said. "That's Star WARS. I'm from Star TREK."

"There's a difference?" she asked.

FACEPALM

The Fan

Arrgh. This was supposed to be a post about Halloween, but I don't have the pictures yet. And it's really not worth it without the pictures.

So, instead, I have another monologue for you. I wrote this last night (or, rather, this morning) at about 4:30am, because I couldn't sleep. I was lying in bed thinking about the first monologue I wrote and how I might end it (and actually came up with something that might work) when I was suddenly struck by another idea. Knowing that I would never get to sleep until I got this ridiculousness out of my head, I finally threw off the covers, switched on the light, opened my computer and started typing. I was going to post it immediately after I finished, but I decided to try sleep first. Anyway, this is what came out. Let me know what you think.


The Fan
(Woman, slightly crazy, speaks very quickly especially when she gets excited.)

(Approaching with caution) Um, hi. Hey man, sorry to bother you, I just had to come over here. I. Fucking. LOVE you man! You are my favorite actor of ALL TIME!
Seriously. I have followed your career from the beginning. Every movie you have ever made is solid gold.
No. (Suddenly turns very serious, almost homicidally so.)
Do not be modest.
Be proud.
Be proud of the work you have done. It is ART.

Like that early film you did, where you were killed halfway through by the aliens or whatever. It was a small role, I know, but you made me believe in those aliens…or whatever.

And then you were in that thing with that girl, you know, Whatshername, she’s on that show now… anyway, at first you liked each other then you hated each other but then you realized you loved each other. I mean, sure, it was a chick flick and it was funny and everything, but when it came right down to it, it was just about two people, you know. Connecting. Then not connecting. Then connecting again.

OH! And then, your Big Break. Two words: SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER. (squeals with excitement) You know, where you played that cop or FBI agent or something. And you didn’t really play by the rules, you were kind of rogue and you had to stop that guy from killing those people oh my GOD, that was awesome! I mean the special effects were…and all those explosions…but it still made you think, you know?

Oh, and congratulations! You just won that award for that thing about the minority kid who was troubled, and you became like a mentor and helped his team win that game but you were troubled too and it turns out the kid really taught you a lesson, and not the other way around. Yeah, that was great. Really gets you. Right here.

Anyway, could you sign this for me? (Holds out paper) Thank you, I really appreciate it. (calling after him as he’s walking away) Love your work. Think your great. (Watches him walk out of sight, then looks down at the paper)

Ohhhhh…that’s who that was.



Feedback? Does it need a little more filling out, or does it go on too long? Keep in mind the manic pace at which it will be delivered. Does the ending work? Once again, it's difficult just to read it because tone and speed are so crucial to the performance, but hopefully you get the idea.

Have to go to work now,
Jules

Don't Blame Me...

This is the post you feared. I did warn you though, and then I left a very long gap for you to decide whether or not to continue reading my sporadic posts. So whatever happens next is out of my hands.

I present to you "Blame It On the Crew of the Enterprise" my first video using clips from ST:TNG.

A little background:
I wanted my first video to be a serious and dramatic look at the dynamic between Data and his evil brother Lore. To that end, I began shopping for the perfect piece of music which could showcase their turbulent and rather complicated relationship. Something that would speak to the fact that Data is, essentially, an orphan and the only android in the whole of the universe, until he discovers Lore, the prototype that came before Data and was dismantled because he was deemed a failure. Because he's EVIL. If that doesn't make for nice dramatic tension, I don't know what does.

Anyway, I couldn't find what I was looking for exactly, but decided to start work with a song that was almost right. It was going OK, I suppose, but in the meantime I was listening to this song on my iPod and kept thinking it would make a hilarious video.

"But no!" I protested, "I want my first ST vid to be SERIOUS!"

Still, the song persisted. Reluctantly, I sat down and started work.

It ended up being the most difficult video I've made yet (and took about a month) , but I think it turned out really well.

So here they are: the crew of the Enterprise.

*A note on the song,
It's by Mika who, when looking up information about him, is noted for having been influenced by everyone from Elton John to ABBA to Rufus Wainwright to musical theatre. In other words, it's weird. Just go with it.

Blame It On the Crew of the Enterprise

In which I digress...

I was just at the grocery store where I purchased some figs. For one thing, I thought I remembered that figs usually ripen in fall, so I thought I should grab them now while they're good. For another, I remembered that children's book, The Sweetest Fig about the guy who eats these figs which make his dreams come true, but then his dog eats the fig and they end up switching places so the dog could exact his revenge on the cruel master. And that's how it ends. Overall, kind of a creepy and potentially traumatic children's book. Not unlike The Brave Little Toaster. Has anyone seen that movie? IT'S FRIGHTENING. No wonder I turned out so weird. I watched that thing a hundred times. It was my favorite movie for a while, and it's SERIOUSLY intense. It may also explain my propensity for connecting with inanimate objects. Friends find it strange that my computer has a name (Blake Williams Poyer) and that I often speak to and sometimes stroke Blake when she's having trouble performing certain tasks. I just found one of the creepier clips from BLT. HA! "BLT" isn't that funny? I didn't even realize, I was just being lazy. Anyway, check it out.



See what I mean? Who wouldn't be traumatized? Apparently a lot of the founders of Pixar worked on BLT. No wonder I loved it.

But I was talking about figs. I can't recall ever having eaten a fig before. Fig Newton, yes, but not a fig.

Does anyone remember those Fig Newton commercials where somebody bites into a cookie and the loudness of the crunch ruins their day, so they have a Fig Newton instead. Ah yes, Fig Newton, for those discreet cookie eaters. Because heaven forbid you might make a noise while snacking, never mind what it tastes like. And for the record, I've never really cared for Fig Newtons. It's a polite cookie. The sort of thing you eat when offered at a party, but don't offer to take any home with you.

Figs, on the other hand, are quite good. I ate one while I was blogging just now. And they're small. A nice pre-dinner snack.

Wow, this whole post has been complete tosh, hasn't it?

Meh.

See you next time, dear readers.

Jules

PS- I got some great ideas on my monologue from Elizabeth (apparently she's the only one willing to be honest) and I will update with a newer, better version soon. Also, it will have a real ending. Ta ta!

I need help.

Blog readers UNITE! I need your help.
In a strange fever, in which my fingers began flying over the keyboard of their own accord, I have just written a monologue.
I think I mentioned that The Actor's Project uses only original material. This means you either get a monologue that was written by the director or one of the other members or you can write one yourself. Awesome. My showcase is in about three weeks, and after that, we start the whole process over again with new monologues for the next showcase. I would like to bring in this one, but I don't know how to finish it. Or if it's even any good. That's where you come in.

Keep in mind that I have just written this very quickly without a lot of editing. Also, try to imagine it in my crazy voice because I think it probably won't read as funny as it would be performed.

And if you have an idea for an ending, don't hesitate to give a shout.

I know I can count on you, dear readers. Goodnight.

Nerd
By Julia Poyer

So, I look like a fairly normal girl right? Even an attractive one, you might say. I’m just throwing that out there. Not fishing for compliments. What you don’t see, is that I have another side to me. One that’s become very…unhealthy. And I need to talk about it. And if you can’t talk about it to a support group, then who CAN you talk about it to? Right? Right.

So, here goes: Hi, my name is Julia. And I’m a nerd.

It’s been going on for a while, you know. (Laughs) A while. Who am I kidding? It’s been my whole damn life. I guess it started with Star Wars. And really, that wasn’t so bad. I mean everyone liked Star Wars. It was just an action film set in space what’s not to love?!

Now we’re talking about the Original Three not the travesties which came out later. Just wanna be clear.

Anyway, at first, it was fine, even kind of cool to like Star Wars. And then I started wearing my hair in Leia buns to school. That’s when they laughed at me. Oh yes. But even their laughter could not stop me.

Next, it was comic books. And I’m not just talking one or two. I’m talking STACKS of comic books. I have filled my parents garage with BOXES and BOXES of comic books. AND NO! I CAN’T JUST THROW THEM AWAY BECAUSE THEY MIGHT BE COLLECTIBLES SOMEDAY!

I’m sorry.

Finally, there was Star Trek. Star Trek the Original Series, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager. I could go on all day. (Very serious) No really, you’ve got to stop me now because I could literally go on all day.

It’s started to affect my personal life. I was dating this guy. We were pretty serious, I mean, he was nerd too. And then, one night, he asked me. He asked me The Question: Who’s better Kirk or Picard?

I said I didn’t know how to choose. It’s like saying who do you love more, your father or your husband? I mean, you grew up with your father. You’ve loved him your whole life and sure he can be a little hokey sometimes, and his special effects are a bit cardboard-on-a-string but you love him anyway. And then your husband, who you haven’t known for as long but whom you’ve grown to love just as much.

My boyfriend said I was stalling, and that he needed an answer.

“Picard” I said. (Defiant) And I’d say it again. Because that Shakespeare-quoting bald man lives right here. (touches chest)

My boyfriend moved out the next day.

I need help.

Blog posts may be dangerous to you health.

Heaven help you. I have just downloaded several episodes of Star Trek: TNG, and they now occupy a folder next to the Justice League episodes in Windows Movie Maker.

Run.

Run now, and run fast.

And far.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I'm already thinking about music selections...

OK, well I don't have music yet. But I have ideas, and you know how dangerous THOSE are.

And now I really ought to be asleep, so I'll leave the explanation of why I haven't been writing for another day. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll just pretend these hiatuses...hiati...hiat - erm, what IS the plural for 'hiatus'? - don't exist.

Goodnight.

Jules