The Fan

Arrgh. This was supposed to be a post about Halloween, but I don't have the pictures yet. And it's really not worth it without the pictures.

So, instead, I have another monologue for you. I wrote this last night (or, rather, this morning) at about 4:30am, because I couldn't sleep. I was lying in bed thinking about the first monologue I wrote and how I might end it (and actually came up with something that might work) when I was suddenly struck by another idea. Knowing that I would never get to sleep until I got this ridiculousness out of my head, I finally threw off the covers, switched on the light, opened my computer and started typing. I was going to post it immediately after I finished, but I decided to try sleep first. Anyway, this is what came out. Let me know what you think.


The Fan
(Woman, slightly crazy, speaks very quickly especially when she gets excited.)

(Approaching with caution) Um, hi. Hey man, sorry to bother you, I just had to come over here. I. Fucking. LOVE you man! You are my favorite actor of ALL TIME!
Seriously. I have followed your career from the beginning. Every movie you have ever made is solid gold.
No. (Suddenly turns very serious, almost homicidally so.)
Do not be modest.
Be proud.
Be proud of the work you have done. It is ART.

Like that early film you did, where you were killed halfway through by the aliens or whatever. It was a small role, I know, but you made me believe in those aliens…or whatever.

And then you were in that thing with that girl, you know, Whatshername, she’s on that show now… anyway, at first you liked each other then you hated each other but then you realized you loved each other. I mean, sure, it was a chick flick and it was funny and everything, but when it came right down to it, it was just about two people, you know. Connecting. Then not connecting. Then connecting again.

OH! And then, your Big Break. Two words: SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER. (squeals with excitement) You know, where you played that cop or FBI agent or something. And you didn’t really play by the rules, you were kind of rogue and you had to stop that guy from killing those people oh my GOD, that was awesome! I mean the special effects were…and all those explosions…but it still made you think, you know?

Oh, and congratulations! You just won that award for that thing about the minority kid who was troubled, and you became like a mentor and helped his team win that game but you were troubled too and it turns out the kid really taught you a lesson, and not the other way around. Yeah, that was great. Really gets you. Right here.

Anyway, could you sign this for me? (Holds out paper) Thank you, I really appreciate it. (calling after him as he’s walking away) Love your work. Think your great. (Watches him walk out of sight, then looks down at the paper)

Ohhhhh…that’s who that was.



Feedback? Does it need a little more filling out, or does it go on too long? Keep in mind the manic pace at which it will be delivered. Does the ending work? Once again, it's difficult just to read it because tone and speed are so crucial to the performance, but hopefully you get the idea.

Have to go to work now,
Jules