Julia's Job Hunt part 3

Gah! Where does the time go?! It feels like only yesterday when I last posted. Well, here it is, the last chapter in the Job Hunt Chronicles. Everyone take a moment to shed a tear.

The really terrifying thing is that I don't have anything left to post. I might have to (gasp!) write something new!!! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! Well, don't worry, new material is brewing in my noggin which will, hopefully, produce a nice story stew and not sludge. Wait, does stew brew? No, I think that's beer...whatever, something appetizing will soon exit my head, let's just pray it isn't my brain. And with that disturbing image in your mind, here's part 3!

Julia's Job Hunt...Or, Is It Hot In Here?
Part 3: The Interview

(Julia gets up and puts on outfit. Takes off outfit, puts on outfit #2. Takes off outfit #2, puts on outfit #3. Takes off outfit #3, puts back on outfit #2. Considers shoes. Takes off outfit #2, puts on outfit#1 and shoes. Looks at self in mirror. Realizes she hasn't showered yet. Starts over.)

1 hour later....

(Julia is dressed [in outfit #1 and shoes #2] and ready to go. She heads out and decides to take the subway so that she doesn't melt in the heat. Gets off subway, walks 2 blocks, and melts in the heat anyway. Arrives at Lawyer Rachel's home [where she works])

Lawyer Rachel: Hi, you must be Julia!
Julia: Yes, nice to meet you. (They shake hands. Julia's is sweaty.)
Lawyer Rachel: Can I get you a glass of water?
Julia: (Is terrified that she would spill it everywhere.) I'm fine, thank you. You have a beautiful home. (Julia is not lying, it really is beautiful)
Lawyer Rachel: Thanks, my husband is an architect.

(They get down to business. LR explains the job, and that Julia would be free to choose her own hours. Julia jumps for joy inside.)

Julia: I would prefer to work mornings, and to spread my hours out over a couple of days a week.
LR: Yes, that's what I would prefer, as well. (Julia mentally puts a tally in the "score" column of her mind.)

(They chat some more.)

LR: I also need someone who can talk to clients on the phone and just be a sympathetic ear. I, as the mediator (Rachel handles divorce cases), really have to remain impartial, but I would like an assistant who can listen calmly to their story and offer support, and then just sum it up for me later in a more direct way.
Julia: Well, I'm a great listener. All my friends say so.
LR: Good. That's a good skill to have.
Julia: Hmmm? I'm sorry, what?
LR: I said: "that's a good skill to have."
Julia: Oh, right. Sorry, I wasn't listening.
LR: Riiiight... (sweat drips down Julia's back)

(They chat even more.)

LR: So you can see the environment in which you'll be working. Obviously, it is my home and there can be some distractions. One woman who worked for me would often be distracted whenever my kids would get home. Are you OK about working while my kids are around?
Julia: Me? Oh I love kids!! Love, love, love! I can't wait to have kids of my own. I'm planning on about 50 or so. I think kids are just fantastic! In fact, you ought to watch out, I might steal yours away! (Julia laughs maniacally. Thinks she may have overdone it a bit.)
LR: Riiiight... (more sweat)

(Still more chatting and a tour of the "office".)

LR: What sort of pay were you hoping for?
Julia: (freezes. She hates this question. It feels like trying to guess what number someone is thinking, and every time she's tried to answer, she's been wrong.) Well, ideally, I would like $10/hr. But I can understand if that's something I would have to work up to.
LR: Actually, I would probably pay you more than that.
Julia: Huh?
LR: Well, I expect you to be able to think things through, and not just mindlessly follow orders. I want someone with a brain, someone who's smart.
Julia: (Thinks-I have a brain! I'm smart! Say something smart, Julia. Go on, say something smart!!!) Fire bad, tree pretty.
LR: ....
Julia: (Thinks - Yeah, probably not your best option, Jules.) So...more than $10, you say?

(They finish talking, and LR shows Julia out.)

LR: I'm interviewing a total of 5 people, and I'm hoping to make my decision next week, so I'll let you know. And feel free to e-mail me with any questions or if you change your mind about the job.
Julia: Will do! It was very nice to meet you, Lawyer Rachel.
LR: It was nice to meet you. And you can just call me Rachel.
Julia: Right. Well, bye!
LR: Bye.

(Julia walks out in the heat and sweats some more. But overall, she feels pretty good about the whole thing.)

Next time on Julia's Job Hunt:
Will Lawyer Rachel hire her? What about the boutique called Otto? Will Julia ever be dry again? Find out next time!

Love,Jules

PS-"Fire bad, tree pretty" is a quote from an episode of Buffy. Clearly, Joss Whedon has influenced me A LOT!

Julia's Job Hunt part 2

Hello everyone! A lot of you have been asking about the whole audition thing, and whether or not I have/will/am going on any. To be honest, I've only been on three, and didn't even get seen on one of those. However, there is good news on the horizon! For the first time, there is an audition coming up that I'm actually really excited to go to! It takes place in the evening, for one thing, so I don't have to get up at an impossible hour to make myself all pretty and stuff, and it's for a couple different plays, in all of which I believe I'm castable. I feel fairly confident about it, but I'm still going to have to get off my lazy bum and practice my monologues; shouldn't be too hard, since I really like the two I'm planning on performing. Anyway, I'm announcing this here so that you can all bother me about it and make sure that I actually go!

And now, with that bit of business finished, I give you part 2!

Julia's Job Hunt, or, Physical Labor, It's All I'm Good For.
Part 2: Julia Answers Craigslist Help Wanted Ad

Julia: (looking at jobs on craigslist) Hmmm...cleaning person needed...simple cleaning jobs and running errands, $10 an hour, no experience needed, great for students looking for extra cash and/or really desperate 22 year olds. (Julia writes e-mail to craigslist poster.)

The Next Day

Julia: La, la, la, I think I'll check my e-mail. Hey! I got a response for that simple cleaning gig! (she reads) Real estate agent needs someone to clean apartments before I show them. Call if you can come today. (thinks) Today? That's awfully soon, I'd better get dressed!

45 minutes later...

Julia: (on the phone) Hi, this is Julia, I'm calling about the cleaning position.
Mateo: (on the other end) Great, I really need someone to clean this apartment which is going to be painted. Can you get to St. Marks Ave in 30 mins?
Julia: Get where? In what?
Mateo: St. Marks Ave. AVENUE, not PLACE. Here are some really confusing directions. You got all that?
Julia: Uh...me leave now?
Mateo: Good, call me when you get there.

20 minutes later...

Julia: (Get's off subway, walks in completely wrong direction for 5 blocks. Walks back and talks to subway station agent.) Excuse me, could you tell me where St. Marks Ave is.
Station Agent: There's a St. Marks Place.
Julia: Yes, I know, but I'm looking for St. Marks AVE.
Station Agent: (looks at Julia suspiciously) And I suppose you want to find your way to platform 9 3/4, also. Why don't you just start banging into every wall you find until you get where you're going. (Julia blinks up at him in confusion) THERE IS NO ST MARKS AVE!!!!
Julia: (on the phone) Um...Mateo, there is no St. Marks Ave.
Mateo: If you walk it, it will come.
Julia: Riiiight. (starts walking) Hey, look at that! A sign that says "St. Marks Ave"! Stupid station agent, grumble, grumble, grumble. (calls Mateo) I'm here!
Mateo: Great, I'll be there in a few minutes.
Julia: (waits.....watches girls fill out rental applications and make phone calls to their mommies and ask about co-signing. Julia sighs, and remembers those happier times.)
Mateo: (arrives) Hi, you must be Julia. Let me get these girls settled and then I'll show you what you'll be doing.
Julia: Great.

10 minutes later...

Mateo: OK, I need you to vacuum all the common areas, the entrance way and stairs and all the landings. Actually, sweep them with the shortest broom ever made, first. Then, take this almost completely useless vacuum which has no attachments, just the long sucking tube, and go back over everything. If your back doesn't hurt, you're doing it wrong.

2 hours and much bending over later...

Mateo: Now sweep the outside stairs and sidewalk with the same teeny tiny broom.

30 mins and more bending later...

Mateo: Good. Have you collapsed yet? No? Excellent, I have another apartment to clean.
Julia: Oh joy.
(They drive)
Mateo: OK, I need you to clean all the windows and windowsills, they have to be painted and we don't want to just paint over the dirt.
Julia: We don't?
Mateo: After that, you can do the stairs and hallways like you did at the last place. (He gives her a different vacuum, still with just the skinny tube, but at least it really sucks stuff up!)

1 hour later...

Mateo: Great, stay for another 15 mins and we'll call it an even 4 hours. We never really talked pay...
Julia: (jumps in desperately) Your website said $10 an hour!
Mateo: Hmmm...yeah, I guess. Usually I start people off at about $8. I'll give you the $10 today, and then if you want more regular work I'll have to give you $8, but if you keep working and are reliable, I'll bump it up. The last two girls only wanted to do it for one day, and then they said they couldn't. Weird, huh?
Julia: Noooooo...really? (thinks) Me no likey hard larbor. But me desperate.
Mateo: What?
Julia: What? Nothing. That's sounds fine.
Mateo: OK. Clean the baseboards and the scrub the door, and we'll call it a day.

15 mins later...

Mateo: Here's your money. (he holds out $40 dollars. The clouds part for a moment and a beam of sunlight hits the two twenties as they pass into Julia's hands. A choir of small boys burst into rapturous song....) Um, are you OK?
Julia: (shakes her head to clear it of choir boys) Yeah, I'm fine.
Mateo: Call me Sunday night if you want to do more work.
Julia: (dazed) Yeah, sure. Bye. (she walks away, the $40 safe in her purse.) I think I'll treat myself to Chinese food tonight...

The End

Next on Julia's Job Hunt:Will Julia call Mateo for more work? Will her back ever recover? Was the Chinese food good?Find out next time!

Julia's Job Hunt part 1

I dedicate this to Jenna, who is very good about posting comments to my blog, and because she voted for it. Hope everything is well in Korea, and that you are having fun teaching!

Also, a big CONGRATULATIONS to James and Kathleen: Engaged At Last!!!! We all knew it was only a matter of time...


And now, Julia's Job Hunt, or, Is This Really My Life?
Part one: The Temp Agency

Receptionist: Here, fill out this stack of forms. (hands Julia several forms with very small print) You can attach your resume to that when you're finished.

Julia: (thinks) Resume? (Sits down to complete forms. Doesn't understand most of what is asked, but does her best. Reaches section on employment record which says to list in order, starting with current job. Employment? Job?? LIST??!! Julia leaves this blank, completes the rest of the application and turns it in along with her acting resume. Then she waits.)

Receptionist: Julia? (Julia returns to desk.) You need to fill out the employment history.

Julia: Yeah, that might be a problem. I don't have one. (Receptionist looks sharply at Julia to see if she is trying to be humorous. She is not. Receptionist looks at acting resume.)

Receptionist: Oh. I see. OK, just wait over there.

Julie M (my contact at the agency): Julia? (Julia stands and waves, and Julie M. makes her way over.) What sort of job were you hoping to get?

Julia: Well, I know I don't have a lot - or, indeed, any - experience, but I'm pretty computer savvy, and I can type fast.

Julie M: OK... Let's have you take a typing test and see how that goes. The more skills you have, the better pay I can get you...(Julia takes typing test and Microsoft Word test.)

Julie M: (looking at results of test) Good! Very good. Come back to my "office", by which I mean "cubicle", by which I mean "really pathetic desk in the middle of nowhere without even any walls". Do you have any office experience?

Julia: Well, I spend a lot of time on my computer...

Julie M: Riiiight. Well, I could probably get you something in customer service. Do you have phone skills?

Julia: Uh, I know how to speak...

Julie M: Can you transfer calls?

Julia: I can learn...

Julie M: Hmmm. Well, don't worry, I'll find something for you. Maybe a light receptionist job. (She pauses to look at Julia) Really light. Call me every few days and I'll find something for you.

Julia: (pathetically) Thank you. (Returns home.)

Next on Julia's Job Hunt...Will Barnes and Noble ever get back to her? Will Julie M. come through and find her a job? Find out next time!