The Man In the Forest Part What are we up to now? 8? I told you it was long.

The next morning, Ryan got up early and saddled Ichibod. She had put her conversation with Tom out of her mind, and let the anticipation of seeing the meadow again excite her. Once she was settled on Ichibod, she looked around, unsure of exactly how to get there. Fortunately, Ranth chose to appear long enough to point her in the right direction.

As she traveled, she began to recognize the path she’d taken, and this time when she stepped into the clearing with the waterfall, she was fairly certain she knew how to get back.

Laknir was waiting for her under a tree on the other side of the river. She headed for the shallowest part, and forded it on Ichibod. The water licked at her feet, cold and shocking. On the other side, she dismounted and Laknir folded her into his arms. They stood together for a long time, until Ichibod tossed his head impatiently, jerking her arm which still held the reins.

She pulled off his gear, slinging her pack over her shoulder, and turning Ichibod loose to graze in the meadow. Satisfied that her horse would be safe and content, she turned back to Laknir who took her hand, and led her toward the house at the other end of the meadow.

As they drew closer, she began to realize just how large it was. The house stood at least seven stories high, with two trees even taller flanking it, and a third which grew right through the middle of the house. When she stepped inside for a moment the tree was all she could see. It grew right in the middle of a large open room, its trunk wider than she was tall, reaching up through a hole in the roof before opening it’s huge, leafy canopy. She could see birds nesting in the smaller branches inside, as well as in the high rafters of the roof itself. Laknir led her to the right of the tree, passing into another room with a long, rectangular dining table set in front of a bank of windows which looked out over the valley. The windows reached twice her height so the room was bathed in sunlight. They continued into the next room, the kitchen. Ryan laughed when she saw it. It was a normal kitchen such as one might find in any town home. It had clearly been added on to the house more recently because it was only as tall as a regular kitchen, and had plain stone counters and a brass wood-burning stove with an ordinary chimney.

Laknir grinned at her, obviously pleased that she approved.

“Did you build this place?” she asked, looking back through the door to the dining room.

“Yes,” he said proudly. “It took me many years. The tree was only as tall as I when I began, but I looked at her, and knew what she would grow into, so I built around her.”

“You told me when I first met you that you can speak to the forest,” she said, shyly, unsure if such questions were allowed. They hadn’t spoken much in their meetings. At first, she had felt too overwhelmed by him to articulate all that she wanted to ask, but then, the silence just seemed so easy she was afraid to disturb it, that they would lose something that way. But in his opening his home to her, she felt that he was opening other parts of himself as well, and the truth was he fascinated her.

“Not in the way you think of as speaking, but yes, I meant that I speak to the trees, and the plants. I speak to the rain that falls, and the earth beneath our feet. It is why your garden grows as well as it does. I have used my…influence to make it thrive.” He took her hand again, and his palm seemed to vibrate, sending silent thrills through her body. “Come,” he whispered, “I wish to show you something.” He led her back through the dining room, then around to the back of tree where there was a staircase she hadn’t seen before. They went up and up and up a long spiral until she felt dizzy, and clutched nervously at his hand. It opened up onto a flat area on the roof where a small space had been created with a bed and several long, low couches. The tree’s canopy was spread above them, thick enough that she thought it might even protect them from rain. That is, she thought wistfully looking out over the meadow which was bathed in sunlight, it ever rained here. She could see Ichibod, seeming no larger than one of her chickens, and was grateful for the low wall which encompassed the flat area.

Laknir was waiting for her to finish looking around, and when she turned to him, he reached for her, and she went willingly into his arms.

************************************************************

It was some time later that she awoke. She lay for a long time looking up at the branches of the tree, watching the birds hop and flutter and chirp happily. She stretched, feeling content, and then she realized that Laknir was gone. She sat up, looking for him, and a gust of wind whipped by, tearing at her hair and the bedding which she clutched desperately. She drew her knees up and hugged them to her. It had been warm with Laknir up there with her, but now she felt cold and alone. It was dark, and she could smell rain on the wind. And then suddenly, horribly, she felt homesick; not for the home she’d made in the woods far enough from human contact that she could ignore the emotions which had been building for some time, but for the home she’d known as a child in town, surrounded by people. She missed her mother and her sister and her father, and, most horribly of all, she missed Tom. Unable to stop herself, she began to cry, and the wind tore at her tears, freezing them on her cheeks as she shook with sobs. Blindly she dressed herself, the wind toying with her, dragging at the clothing in her hands. The sun was masked by clouds and she heard the rumble of thunder in the distance. Desperate to get off the roof, and still sobbing uncontrollably, she threw herself down the spiral staircase. The rain began to fall just as she disappeared down the stairs, taking them so fast she was in danger of falling.

When at last she reached the bottom, she raced around the tree, her breath heaving in her chest, still blind with tears. Laknir came running from the dining room and caught her just as she passed. She struggled against him for a moment as he tried to hold her. She was wailing now, a sound so foreign it took her a moment to realize it was coming from her own mouth. And under the wailing she realized that Laknir was speaking to her.

“Please, Honey, please don’t,” he was murmuring to her. Stupidly, the only thing she could think was: how does he know my first name?

The wailing stopped, and she collapsed into his arms, letting him cradle her as they sank to the floor.

“I’m sorry I’ve hurt you,” he said, the pain evident in his voice. “I’m so sorry.” He stroked her hair and continued to apologize over and over.

The sobs faded to silence, the only sound that of the rain outside.

“I was hurt before I met you,” she said finally. Her voice was hoarse and flat, her emotions spent. And when she said it, she knew it was true.

He held her for a long time after that, listening to the sounds of the storm outside, as she fought to understand her own emotions. It was a very long time before either of them spoke again.

“It is a hard thing, to love an immortal,” she whispered, trying to keep her tone light. There was silence, and for a moment she thought he hadn’t heard her. Then, he released her from his embrace and turned her to look at him, grabbing her chin and forcing her eyes to meet his.

And, with perfect calm, he said: “Honey, you do not love me.” She was struck dumb because it seemed so ridiculous. What was this need she felt if not love? Could he really have misread her so catastrophically; he, who could so often pick out her very thought from the slightest gesture or expression? Or did he see something she couldn’t?

“You are surprised,” he continued, smiling as one might smile at a child who did not yet understand the world, “but you shouldn’t be. You already know the truth, and you have been lying to yourself for a long time.” She stared at him, trying to understand what he meant. He laughed gently at her confusion, and it sparked anger in her.

“And you haven’t?” she spat back, moving further away from him. “You hide away in your forest, so afraid of human beings you have built yourself a fortress in which to cower! Oh yes, you sought me out, the one human who is just as alone and damaged as you are, someone who is perfectly willing to hide with you behind these walls and this forest, and will never push past that coat of armor. You told me when we first met that you wanted to connect with someone. A human with whom you could share complex emotions, and yet you chose someone unable to feel such emotions because I have just as many walls as you!” He looked astonished at her outburst, and a tiny part of her wondered if she had gone too far, but the rest of her was seething and didn’t care. His expression changed from surprise to hurt as her words sunk in, and some of the anger leaked out of her. “Don’t you see?” she continued in a calmer tone, “I can’t connect. I shut myself off a long time ago.”

“No, you’re wrong,” he said firmly, tucking the hurt away. “You have more love in you than anyone, and you are afraid of it, so you keep running away. But it’s there. Your heart is ready to open, if only you will take the chance.”

“I thought you said I didn’t love you? If this isn’t love, then I will never feel it.”

“You aren’t listening,” he said, shaking his head, “You don’t love me; you can’t, because you already love someone else.”

She stared at him helplessly, certain that he was wrong, that he’d been away from humans so long he didn’t even know what love looked like. But then, as she looked into his face, her mind flashed back on the dozens of times she’d tried to paint that face, and how it had never come out right, and suddenly, she knew why. She hadn’t been painting Laknir’s face at all; she had been painting Tom’s. Over and over she had tried to put Tom’s face on Laknir, trying to reconcile the clash of emotions in her own heart. At last, she understood: being with Laknir was easy because she didn’t love him, but her subconscious had fought to show her the truth. And now that she knew, she couldn’t continue to lie to herself.

“You will leave me now,” he said, and there was an edge of sorrow in his voice.

“I’m sorry,” she said, knowing it was not enough. Laknir had given her access to her own heart, and she had betrayed him with it.

“Don’t be. You made this world real for me again. My heart beat for you as it has beaten for nothing in over two centuries.”

“You could come back with me, to the town,” she suggested hesitantly. Laknir shook his head.

“No, it is better if I stay here, in my forest. It is a difficult thing, getting attached to mortals. They always leave…” he trailed off, a faraway look in his eyes as though he were thinking of a time long past, and she suddenly realized how little she knew about him. There had been so much she’d wanted to ask, about his life, how he came to be here, and if he’d known Albert Rothcarpe, and why the house Albert built was named Laknir Lodge. But she’d let him sweep her away with his kisses, and now she would never have answers.

“I will think of you, from time to time,” she said, haltingly. “Part of me does, and will always, love you. It is the same part that loves this forest, and it is why I can never come back here.” She didn’t know why she was explaining, he already knew this. But she wanted to be clear that this was the end, they would never meet again in this lifetime. She moved back into his arms, and he held her in silence.

Night fell, and the storm moved off. She fell asleep on the floor near the trunk of the tree, still in his arms. And when she awoke, he was gone.

The door was open to the meadow, and the sun was bright and welcoming. She didn’t look for him; they had already said their goodbyes. She looked up once at the tree before turning away and going out the door. She found Ichibod, none the worse for wear, waiting for her under the tree where Laknir had greeted her yesterday. She saddled him, and rode him across the shallow end of the river, up toward the tree line. She stopped just short of the forest and looked back. The meadow was breathtaking in its beauty, bathed in golden light, the wildflowers nodding gently in the breeze, the sweet, wet smell of the waterfall in the air. She took it all in, committing it to memory, then turned and left.

She half expected to see Ranth on her journey home, but perhaps he was busy comforting Laknir. A pain went through her when she thought of him, and eventually, she learned not to say his name, even to herself.