Noodles part 4

I've come to the realization that I don't really care what you people want. Yes, that's right, I said "you people". I know you want to hear about me, but I promise that it's not exciting. This week was kind of a black out on auditions, but there's at least one that I'm definitely going to next week, and I promise to tell you all about it. Other than that, I get up, go to work, sing a little, write a little, do my laundry... See: boring. Not even I, Master of the Witty Vignette, can make that stuff interesting. So, I write about superheros. They're always interesting. And this week, we get some villains to play too!

Some points:
1. The Legion of Doom was a group of super-villains much like the Justice League, except, well, evil. In the show, Gorilla Grodd was the leader until Luthor led a rebellion and took over. At the end of the show, they did something kinda stupid and had to actually team up with the Justice League to keep the world from ending. It was a great episode in which Luthor is actually the one who ends up saving everyone. Awesome. Anyway, during the time the show was on the air, there was some sort of licensing thing that meant that the writers couldn't use any of the villains from the Batman universe. It was really too bad because Batman's Rogues Gallery is considered one of the finest in all of comic book history. Many believe that it is Batman's villains that has made him such a long-lasting and popular character. After all, your hero is only as interesting as the villain he/she is fighting. Needless to say, the fans were none to pleased with this "Bat-embargo" (although, the Joker did appear in 2 or 3 episodes) and I attempt to explain the reason for it in this chunk of story.

2. Poison Ivy has a sort of pheromone-thing that allows her to control men with just one kiss. Most notably, she took control of Superman in a comic called Hush. Batman pulled out his Kryptonite ring (which Superman gave him as a kind of insurance, in case he ever went crazy) and laid the smackdown on Supes. Well, sort of. He was really only keeping him busy long enough for Catwoman to kidnap Lois Lane and drop her off a building, effectively breaking Superman out of Ivy's control in order to save his wife. Aww, what a guy, fighting off mind control to save his love...

Okay, onward we go.

Gossip in the Watchtower: part 4
By: Jules Parker

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. Don't have any money, so don't bother suing me. Bruce Wayne has money, why don't you sue him? Oh, and the video that was made by "the Flash" was actually made by LunarChaosTXB, and it can be found on youtube (or you can just watch it here).

To: SexyLexy
From: anonymous
Re: a proposition

Well, well, well. Trust Lex Luthor to get himself a big screen TV installed in his maximum security cell. Lucky for you, that means we have a way to chat. You’re probably wondering how this message got on your screen, and who’s sending it. Don’t worry, Lex, all will be revealed soon. For now, let’s just say that I stumbled on a new toy, and I’m going to use it to bring down the Justice League.

Have I got your attention?

Good.

Now, I know you’re smart, Lex, but I’m not sure how smart. So, a little test. If you can figure out how to send me a message back, let me know if you’re interested in hearing the rest of the plan.

I’ll be waiting for your reply, Lex…

To: anonymous
From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: your proposition

Smart? I’m beyond smart, you arrogant little virus! I cracked the system in two minutes (and that‘s including the time it took to re-wire my TV and turn it into a make-shift computer). Now, I demand to know who you are, and what you want.

Lex Luthor

PS-Where exactly did you say you found this system? It’s…rather impressive.

To: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
From: anonymous
Re: the plan

I’M arrogant? You’ve dubbed yourself “master of the universe”. Can we say, “complex”?!

As to your question, I didn’t say, but I will now: I found this system entirely by accident. I was on my computer chatting with some “old friends,” when this message popped up on my screen.

To: Whipped Cream
From: FasterThanASpeedingSuperman
Re: Sorry…

Sorry, GA, but I can’t change it back for you. Black Canary threatened me, and I’m more frightened of her than I am of you. No offense. I suggest groveling.

Later.

PS- Yeah, you heard right: Superman has thrown the proverbial gauntlet. Now all we have to do is find a way to have the race without Bats finding out about it. I just know that he wouldn’t approve. He’d probably say it was ‘un-heroic’ of us or something. What a killjoy! I mean, just cause we’re the Justice League, doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun!

At first, I thought it was a joke, but then I started digging. I uncovered an entire network of communications, unlike anything I had ever seen before. And it was well protected, too. If I had to guess, I would say that the only way I was even able to get in was because there had been some recent disturbances in the system. Someone had changed some important codes for unknown reasons, and they hadn’t done a very good job of cleaning up after themselves. The more I uncovered, the more there was to find. Hundreds of thousands of messages were being sent by members of the Justice League, ranging from important communiqués to silly gossip. Then, suddenly, there was silence. I thought I’d been shut out, but then I realized that there were still messages, just not as many. It only lasted a week before the volume was, once again, overwhelming.

Suffice it to say, I realized that an opportunity had been placed in front of me. Naturally, I started gathering others in our line of work (yourself included) to help me in a scheme. Take a look at this:

That is why we would like the entire Justice League (including all freelance and part-time Leaguers) to gather, one week from today. We will set the Watchtower to automatic alert so we can keep an eye on things. Also, the meeting will be held in Training Room 7, so we’ll all be on hand if anything happens.

It appears that the entire League will be conveniently gathered in one place for an extended period of time…now THAT’S what I call “opportunity”.

So, are you in?

To: anonymous
From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: others?

It shouldn’t come as any surprise to you to know that I’m not keen on the idea of forming another “Legion of Doom”. One super-villain club is enough for a lifetime… That being said, I can’t deny that this will require more help than just you and I (especially since I STILL don’t know who you are, or, more importantly, how powerful you are). So, I have one condition: no rogues from the Bat-family.

From: anonymous
To: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: Gotham’s super villains

Erm…what’s wrong with Batman’s foes?

From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
To: anonymous
Re: Batman’s Rogues Gallery

Have you met them? They’re all insane!

From: anonymous
To: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: And?

With that attitude, we’re not going to recruit ANYBODY. Even your sanity isn’t exactly what I’d call “stable”.

From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
To: anonymous
Re: very funny

I’m serious. Every villain that has ever come out of Gotham City is absolutely wacko. Take the Joker, for instance. Have you ever met that clown? I have. I’ve even worked with him before. And I DON’T recommend it. He is seriously deranged. And the rest of them aren’t much better. Two-Face, Penguin, Killer Croc, that guy with the dummy… There’s a reason why the criminals of Gotham are sent to Arkham Asylum instead of a proper prison. And there’s a reason why NONE of them were invited to join the Legion.

So, as long as you put out a little “bat embargo” I’ll be part of the team.

PS- And if you really do want me to help, you might think about how you’re going to get me out of prison.

To: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
From: anonymous
Re: escape

Don’t worry about the prison break, I have it all under control. As to the other issue…

Is Poison Ivy all right? She did take control of Superman for a while (until Batman showed up and ruined everything; what a killjoy…) and I kinda already asked her. (And just look at her.)

To: anonymous
From: LexLuthor_Master_of_the_Universe
Re: Ivy

Yeah, she’s okay. Just don’t bring that *^&%#$ clown.

Now, I’m going to wait patiently for you to come break me out. And in the meantime, I think I’ll send a message to an old friend…

To: Superman
From: A_Concerned_Friend
Re: A delicate issue

I’m sending this anonymously because I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Big Guy, but I have to tell you…all that red and blue makes you look fat. Really not your colors. I suggest something in green. In fact, I have just the thing.

To: Flash
From: Superman
Re: Ha ha.

Very funny, Wally. Are you saying I’ll be green with envy when you win the race? Let’s get one thing straight: you are not going to win. I am. Get used to it.

Oh, and you might want to be careful about changing your user name; you know that Bruce will have a fit if he finds out.

To: Superman
From: Flash
Re: huh?

Dude, wtf are you talking about? “Green with envy”? What does

Whoa. That was close. I’m in the commissary sending this message, and Bats just walked in. He almost caught me using the message system for something other than “official business”. Actually, for a second there, I thought he had caught me. It was pretty funny watching everyone in the commissary scramble to put their communicators away when they saw him coming, I was sure he knew that something was going on. He walked in, scowled at everyone and walked out. What’s that about? Hmm, actually, I guess that’s pretty normal for Bats… And when are we going to think up a better name for this thing, anyway? “The message system” isn’t very cool. How about… e-mail? No, wait, that’s already taken. JL-mail? Doesn’t really have the right ring to it… Hey, it moves almost as fast as I do, how about Flash-mail! Heh, I like it!

Well, I gotta go, gotta start spreading this new name.

Later.

PS- Check out this video I made of Bats, it fits him perfectly!

I'm sending it to everyone in the League. It's time I got a little revenge for that whole "Grievance Services" crap.

To Be Continued...

Next time: Batman thinks everyone is acting strange around him. Are they possessed? Or are they just trying to keep a certain video from reaching his ears? Too late, someone sent him a copy by accident...